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This is the world’s worst parody of a travel report. 
Okay, on March 24th I went to Dallas, Texas for some B.C.S. What is B.C.S.? That is simple! Boring Chrysler Sh…. Well you know!
Well, okay I left Medford, Oregon the day before the big flight. I took off from Grants Pass…. Hey you said you left Medford you lying son of a bit….! Well, this SOB lives in Grants Pass, so left Grants Pass in the latest and greatest flying transportation machine ever built! The Dodge Caravan! Uh, Lance mini-vans don’t fly! Well, you never have seen me drive!
Okay, after spending the night in Portland Oregon I got to PDX two hours early for my flight to DFW. After checking in at the mental heath desk, or is that check in desk? I forgot! Oh well. After the easy check in and went to the gate and drove myself crazy for the next 90 minutes! For me that really easy to do!
Well, I saw the big sleek MD-80 though the big glass windows of the terminal and drooled over the sliver American Airlines jet like a teenager drools over a new Viper! Today it was a light load, although with the new security there were a few unusual carry-ons. They included a bicycle, a small stool for airplane spotters and a quarter panel for a ’74 Ford Pinto. Hmmm, I thought explosives where illegal on commercial flights? Well a little explosive material never hurt anyone right? After the typical taxi out from the gate, going as fast as a ’68 Dodge Dart in fast lane. The pilot put the pedal to the metal and for a few minutes we where going down the runway just like my lot attendant drives the new cars around the lot! Man did we go fast! Then it all ended. We where in the air and the entire state of Oregon was just a big green spot from the window. Then everything leveled out and the nice flight attendant offered me this. After her insurance it past the 128-point inspection for pre-owned food and was certified by the Ford Motor Company and Firestone for food safety I took the meal in a bag and enjoyed it! Just as I was about to finish the Bunny-Luv carrots I felt a sinking feeling and after 20 minutes of this I felt huge bump and a loud “Woooooosh” sound coming from the back. Then someone came on the loud speaker and said “Welcome to Dallas!” Then that little lady in her old green Dart slowed us down and we parked and the gate. I left the big sleek jet behind and went to a Hertz counter and they gave me my “Escort” around Dallas!
Okay, on March 24th I went to Dallas, Texas for some B.C.S. What is B.C.S.? That is simple! Boring Chrysler Sh…. Well you know!
Well, okay I left Medford, Oregon the day before the big flight. I took off from Grants Pass…. Hey you said you left Medford you lying son of a bit….! Well, this SOB lives in Grants Pass, so left Grants Pass in the latest and greatest flying transportation machine ever built! The Dodge Caravan! Uh, Lance mini-vans don’t fly! Well, you never have seen me drive!
Okay, after spending the night in Portland Oregon I got to PDX two hours early for my flight to DFW. After checking in at the mental heath desk, or is that check in desk? I forgot! Oh well. After the easy check in and went to the gate and drove myself crazy for the next 90 minutes! For me that really easy to do!
Well, I saw the big sleek MD-80 though the big glass windows of the terminal and drooled over the sliver American Airlines jet like a teenager drools over a new Viper! Today it was a light load, although with the new security there were a few unusual carry-ons. They included a bicycle, a small stool for airplane spotters and a quarter panel for a ’74 Ford Pinto. Hmmm, I thought explosives where illegal on commercial flights? Well a little explosive material never hurt anyone right? After the typical taxi out from the gate, going as fast as a ’68 Dodge Dart in fast lane. The pilot put the pedal to the metal and for a few minutes we where going down the runway just like my lot attendant drives the new cars around the lot! Man did we go fast! Then it all ended. We where in the air and the entire state of Oregon was just a big green spot from the window. Then everything leveled out and the nice flight attendant offered me this. After her insurance it past the 128-point inspection for pre-owned food and was certified by the Ford Motor Company and Firestone for food safety I took the meal in a bag and enjoyed it! Just as I was about to finish the Bunny-Luv carrots I felt a sinking feeling and after 20 minutes of this I felt huge bump and a loud “Woooooosh” sound coming from the back. Then someone came on the loud speaker and said “Welcome to Dallas!” Then that little lady in her old green Dart slowed us down and we parked and the gate. I left the big sleek jet behind and went to a Hertz counter and they gave me my “Escort” around Dallas!
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