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Aftermath of US elections (another joke)

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  • Aftermath of US elections (another joke)

    I found this in my mailbox the other day, and it cracked me up. I'm still grinning when I read it...


    NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE TO CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

    In light of your failure to make the correct decision in electing your President, thus showing you to be unfit to govern yourselves, we hereby give you notice of the revocation of your independence effective as of Monday 8th November 2004.
    Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she doesn't much fancy.

    Your new Prime Minister, the Rt. Hon. Tony Blair M.P., for the 97.85% of you unaware of the outside world, will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated in twelve months time to determine if any of you noticed. To aid your transition into a British Crown
    Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

    1. All citizens are to look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. While there, check the pronunciation guide for "aluminium" this may be surprising for you. Generally attempt to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.
    Look up "vocabulary". Using the same 27 words interspersed with "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable form of communication. Look up "interspersed".

    2. There is no such thing as "U.S. English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

    3. Learn to distinguish British and Australian accents. It's not difficult, sport.

    4. Hollywood will henceforth be required to occasionally cast Englishmen as good guys.

    5. Re-learn your original anthem, "God Save the Queen". Please ensure that you have complied with the first rule before attempting this.

    6. Stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of "football". What you refer to as "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you aware of a world outside of your borders may have noticed that no one else plays it.
    Play proper football instead; to start with get the girls to help you - it is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, eventually, be allowed to play rugby, which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds, or wearing full Kevlar body armour like nancies.

    7. Declare war on Quebec and France, using nukes if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you unaware of the outside
    world should count yourselves lucky - the Russians have never really been bad guys. "Merde" is French for "(clever alternative swear word)".

    8. 4th July is no longer a public holiday. 2nd November will be the new national holiday.

    9. American cars are hereby banned. They are crap; it's for your own good. When we show you German cars you'll understand.

    10. The US Dollar will be phased out in favour of the Pound Sterling to stop further deterioration of the US Dollar against the Euro and as a first step towards your full membership of the EU.

    11. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

    THANK YOU FOR YOUR CO-OPERATION.
    HAVE A NICE DAY!
    Great, isn't it?

    Tillerman.
    They locked up a man
    who wanted to rule the world
    The fools
    They locked up the wrong man

    -Leonard Cohen, Songs Of Love And Hate





  • #2
    Thats freaking hilerious!

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    • #3
      Hahaa! Thats funny as hell. It is always funny when people mix up Aussie and British accents...

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      • #4

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        • #5
          lol, i would assume that im in the 2.15%, since i can tell the difference... lol

          anywhay, that has been going around for some time now... but its alwase funny
          ^----raveing lunatic


          please excuse my horendus mangeling of the english language, its only my first :P

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          • #6
            I dont find that funny at all, rather, I find it offensive.

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            • #7
              That's hilarious. Extremely funny, and partially true.
              "The Director also sets the record straight on what would happen if oxygen masks were to drop from the ceiling: The passengers freak out with abandon, instead of continuing to chat amiably, as though lunch were being served, like they do on those in-flight safety videos."

              -- The LA Times, in a review of 'Flightplan'

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              • #8
                Originally posted by chrisburns
                I dont find that funny at all, rather, I find it offensive.
                Lighten up, its a joke.
                Sam Rudge
                A 5D3, some Canon lenses, the Sigma L and a flash

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Simpleboy
                  Originally posted by chrisburns
                  I dont find that funny at all, rather, I find it offensive.
                  Lighten up, its a joke.
                  Yeah, but everytime someone posts something like that about another country you get

                  "Thread should be locked"

                  "this offens me"

                  Which it does to me. Joke or not.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by chrisburns
                    Originally posted by Simpleboy
                    Originally posted by chrisburns
                    I dont find that funny at all, rather, I find it offensive.
                    Lighten up, its a joke.
                    Yeah, but everytime someone posts something like that about another country you get

                    "Thread should be locked"

                    "this offens me"

                    Which it does to me. Joke or not.
                    What do you find so offensive about it?

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                    • #11
                      and i certanly dont go "this offends me" about other contries
                      ^----raveing lunatic


                      please excuse my horendus mangeling of the english language, its only my first :P

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Aftermath of US elections (another joke)

                        Originally posted by Tillerman
                        7. Declare war on Quebec and France, using nukes if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you unaware of the outside
                        world should count yourselves lucky - the Russians have never really been bad guys. "Merde" is French for "(clever alternative swear word)".
                        LMAO!!!
                        Will F.
                        Photos: JetPhotos.Net | Airliners.net | General Photography

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Hilarious!!!
                          CostaRicaAviation.com

                          Click Here to view my aircraft photos at JetPhotos.Net!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by schuyler
                            and i certanly dont go "this offends me" about other contries
                            That's because you are part of the 97.85% that doesn't know sh*t about places outside the US.
                            Fly Raleigh-Durham International, with direct flights on Air Canada, AirTran, American Airlines, American Eagle, America West, Continental Airlines, Continental Express, Delta Airlines, Delta Connection, jetBlue, Northwest Airlines, Southwest Airlines, United Express and US Airways to:

                            ATL, AUS, BWI, BOS, CHS, CLT, MDW, ORD, CVG, CLE, DFW, DTW, FLL, BDL, HOU, IND, LAS, LAX, LGW, MEM, MIA, MSP, BNA, EWR, MSY, JFK, LGA, ORF, MCO, PHL, PHX, PIT, STL, SLC, TPA, YYZ, DCA and IAD.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by chrisburns
                              Originally posted by Simpleboy
                              Originally posted by chrisburns
                              I dont find that funny at all, rather, I find it offensive.
                              Lighten up, its a joke.
                              Yeah, but everytime someone posts something like that about another country you get

                              "Thread should be locked"

                              "this offens me"

                              Which it does to me. Joke or not.
                              OK heres the deal, there isnt anthing offensive. When teh NZ elections are over you can make as many jokes as you want abuot it, if they are anywhere near as good as this ill probably be laughing my ass off.

                              What is there to offend?
                              Sam Rudge
                              A 5D3, some Canon lenses, the Sigma L and a flash

                              Comment

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