Virtual Elite Service

Sam and I were bored...so we had a long discussion on how my membership is better than Will's membership (refer to page 8 of the JPElite thread in the Site Related forum for more information). The conversation below is a joke, and is meant to be taken lightly. It is not real. We felt that you'll would enjoy it, so here it is.

Sam: Im telling Will you are offering for NZ$5
Sam: see if he will beat that
Tanuj: I'm not giving first class membership for $5
Sam: so what do i get for NZ$5?
Tanuj: you could get "honorary temporary real second class viewing rights"
Tanuj: no posting
Tanuj: and no first class
Tanuj: only temporary
Sam: ok
Tanuj: honorary - you will have a title though
Sam: what do i get for third class membership and how much does it cost?
Tanuj: third class membership comes in a package - "real front page rights, real pop-up rights, virtual link rights". The suggested price is $3, but it is up to the customers discretion how much he wants to pay - the minimum is a penny.
Tanuj: basically you can view the front page, with all the pop-ups, but you can't use any of the links
Tanuj: and you will not get a title, but your name will be included in a list of third class members. The link to the list will be on the front page, but since you cannot use links, you would have to upgrade to second class membership to see your name on that list. However, when you upgrade to second class membership your name will be removed from the third class list, and there is no list for second class. You do get an honorary title, however, when you upgrade to second class.
Sam: jeez
Sam: how much is a penny?
Tanuj: A penny is $0.01
Sam: second class benefits and costs?
Tanuj: there are two packages for second class - one has been mentioned above, the one costing $5
Tanuj: the other package gives you 'honorary real perennial viewing rights and real biennial posting rights. Pop-ups will be included in this package'
Tanuj: The cost is $15
Tanuj: links will be operational
Tanuj: you can view anything anytime
Tanuj: but you can post only 6 months of your year. For $2, you will be given the choice of the 6 months, otherwise the default months when you will be allowed to post are Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun
Tanuj: the $2 will be over and above the $15
Sam: and first class?
Tanuj: you will have complete privileges, except those of administrators and moderators. there will be no popups. all posts made by 'Will Fang' will be invisible to you. we consider this a bonus privilege for our first class members. There will be no popups, and real perennial posting and viewing rights. You will have real viewing rights for the crew forum, but virtual posting rights. For an extra $5, you will get real posting rights in the crew forum, but this will not entitle you to any other crew priviledges, and you will not be treated as a member of the crew. We also offer a virtual complimentary beverage upon the first time usage as a first class member. The cost of the basic package, without any of the aforementioned upgrades is negotiable, $81 and upwards.
Sam: so you dont ring me when JP is back up if it goes down again?
Tanuj: we send MSN notification. We sincerely hope that you will be online when the message is sent, but if you choose to be offline, or you are offline for some other reason, we can only offer our condolences and hope you will be back at a later time to enjoy the awesomeness of our service.
Sam: no deal then
Sam: the idea of me paying is so I get the message when it comes back on
Tanuj: with first class membership, we do infact provide the notification, it is up to the discretion of the customer if he chooses to recieve it or not
Tanuj: we also offer a premium package, but that's for customers who do not let petty notification issues stand in the way of them and our great service
Sam:explain
Tanuj: the premium package contains all benefits included in the first class package. The customer will have real "senior member" status and virtual moderator status. The virtual moderator status is honorary, therefore you will have a title. All posts by Will Fang will continue to be invisible. For $35 extra, you can choose upto 3 more members whose posts you wish not to view. There will be a real complimentary drink upon first usage, but shipping, handling and insurance will have to be paid by the customer. We are not liable for the drink after it has left our possession. If it reassures the customer, we always ship our goods using real FedEx MD-11's, flown by our member InTheShade, a real captain for FedEx. As for notification, it stands as it is, but we are working on telepathy, which will enable us to transfer the news of the service being back using mental impulses. The costs of the remium package is negotiable, $120 and up. We also offer a free virtual ride in a virtual Southwest 737, flown by our very own virtual captain, Scott Kiel (member SWA733captain).
Tanuj: we would also like to inform you that with the third class membership, notification is by word of mouth. All members as low as the second class level will be notified using our regular notification system, and from there on, we wish our third class members the very best of luck in getting notified.
Tanuj: Sincerely,
Tanuj: the Virtual Administration.

Announcement