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L0rd of teh Ringz0r: F3ll0wsh1p of teh R1ng

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  • L0rd of teh Ringz0r: F3ll0wsh1p of teh R1ng

    here are some tips for going to the lord of the rings:
    1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where the hell is Harry Potter?"
    2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" - After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it better."
    3. At some point during the movie, stand up and shout: "I must go! Middle Earth needs me!" and run and try to jump into the screen. After bouncing off, return quietly to your seat.
    4. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says: "The Ring."
    5. Point and laugh whenever someone dies.
    6. Ask the nearest ring-nut if he thinks Gandalf went to Hogwarts
    7. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson."
    8. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, "And I did it.... MY way...!"
    9. At the end, complain that Gollum was offensive to Ethiopians
    10. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.
    11. When Shelob appears, pinch the guy in front of you on the back of the neck.
    12. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep" Monty Python style.
    13. When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!"
    14. Ask people around you who they think is the next "Terminator" sent from the Middle Earth of the future to assassinate Frodo Baggins
    15. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN FOREST, RUN!"
    16. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre.
    17. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?"
    18. Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie.
    19. Start an Orc sing-a-long.
    20. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.


    [At Bilbo's 111th Birthday]
    Merry: "Omg, I pwn"
    Pippin: "Sif, I pwn"
    **Rocket goes off
    Gandalf: "Pwned!"

    Bilbo: "This = shiz, bai foos"
    Bilbo has left the server
    Frodo: "Wtf!?"

    [later, in Bag End]
    Gandalf: "Give teh ringz0r to Frodo"
    Bilbo: "Sif! It r precious!"
    Gandalf: "STFU NOOB!!!"
    Bilbo: "ok"
    Gandalf has logged on as admin
    Bilbo has been kicked from The Shire

    Gandalf: "Show me teh ring, foo!"
    **Gandalf rides out, does some research, comes back
    Gandalf: "OMGZ, it R teh ring!"
    Frodo: "Wtf?"
    Gandalf has logged on as admin
    Frodo has been kicked from The Shire
    Sam has been kicked from The Shire

    [At Isengard]
    Gandalf: "sup dawg, i r g4nd4lf da gr3y!"
    Saruman: "Foo! U R teh noob!"
    Gandalf: "WTF?!"
    Saruman: "Sauron pwns joo!"
    Gandalf: "Sif, I R leet"
    **Sarumon beats the **** out of Gandalf
    Saruman: "Pwned!"

    [on the road to Bree]
    Merry: "look foos, shrooms!"
    Pippin: "Woot! Shrooms!"
    Frodo: "Ph34r!"
    Sam: "Shrooms!"
    Frodo: "PH34R!1!1"
    **black rider stops, sniffs, goes past
    Frodo: "OMG, packetloss!"

    [Bree, in the Inn of the Prancing Pony]
    **Frodo is drinking and dancing on a table, then slips
    Frodo has left the server
    Frodo has connected to the server
    Frodo: "OMGz, dc'd"
    Aragorn: "OMG, noobz"

    [at Weathertop]
    Merry: "Mmm, shrooms!"
    Frodo: "Foos! Ph34r teh haxorz"

    **the black riders attack
    Merry: "OMG!!!"
    Sam: "O.M.G!!!11"
    Pippin: "wtf"
    Frodo has left the server
    **head nazgul stabs Frodo's ghost
    Frodo has connected to the server
    Frodo: "wtf... hax!"
    **Aragorn lraps into the fray with a flaming brand
    Aragorn: "PH34r!!!!!!"
    Merry: "LOLOL flamed! "

    [on the road to Rivendell]
    Aragorn: "ZOMG!Arwen!"
    **Arwen rides up
    Aragorn: "A/S/L? Wanna net secks?"
    Arwen: "Sif! Wtf is up with Frodo?"
    Sam: "Teh leet Hax0r "
    Arwen: "Firewall?"

    **Arwen rides off with Frodo, the nazgul give chase. Arwen crosses the ford at Rivendell.
    Arwen: "PH34R!! My dad pwns urs!"
    **nazgul start to cross
    Arwen: "LOLOLOLO noobs!!1!"
    **the ford rises up and washes the nazgul away
    Warning: Connection Problems Detected
    nazgul has disconnected
    nazgul has disconnected
    nazgul has disconnected
    nazgul has disconnected
    nazgul has disconnected
    nazgul has disconnected
    nazgul has disconnected
    Arwen: "Pwnt"

    [at the Council of Elrond]
    Gimli: "dwarves pwn!"
    Legolas: "Sif, Elves pwn!"
    Boromir: "OLOLOL noobs, men pwn!"
    Elrond: "STFU tards!!1!"
    **Frodo puts the ring on the plinth
    Gimili: "Sif ring pwns all!"
    **Gimli swings his axe at it, which shatters
    Elrond: "**sigh, noob"

    [Frodo meets up with Bilbo]
    Bilbo: "OLOL, me = 10th level thief!"
    Frodo: "OMG, u r teh pwn!"
    Bilbo: "Do u still have teh ringz0r?"
    **Frodo shows Bilbo the One Ring
    Bilbo: "OMG u tard, I want to TK you!"
    Frodo: "sif!"
    Bilbo: "ph34r my mithril"

    [The Fellowship leaves Rivendell]
    **Gandalf leads the fellowship through the mountains
    Legolas: "ZOMG, leet gfx!"
    Gimli: "I R dropping frames! FFS"
    **There's an avalanche which threatens to knock them off the shelf
    Gimli: "Gandalf, teh draw distance is too far!1!!1"
    Gandalf: "**Sigh. Moria?"
    Gimli votes to change map to Moria
    Votes 4 of 4 required
    Legolas: "lolol Gimli, time to upgrade!"

    [The fellowship approaches the gates of Moria]
    Gandalf: "FFS, its too hard! Anyone got a walkthrough?"
    **The gates of Mordor open, but the Guardian attacks!
    Frodo: "OMG! ph34r!"
    Boromir: "GL HF"
    Aragorn [broadsword] guardian
    Legolas [arrow] guardian
    Gandalf: "gg"

    [The fellowship enters the mines of Moria]
    Gimli: "OMG!!!! PWNED!"

    **After travelling some time in the dark the Fellowship come to a chamber with a large well
    Gandalf: "Teh bookz0r has some clues!"
    **Merry knocks a skeleton in armour down the well
    Gandalf: "OMG! noob!"
    Merry: "d'oh"
    **The fellowship hears the ork drums
    Boromir: "wtf?"
    Aragorn: "wtf?"
    Frodo: "..."
    Gandalf: "Oh ffs >.<"
    **the fellowhip shores up the doors as the orks come
    Boromir: "TEAMS FFS!"
    Aragorn [broadsword] ork
    Gimli [axe] ork
    Legolas [arrow] ork
    Aragorn [broadsword] ork
    Aragorn [broadsword] ork
    Boromir [broadsword] ork
    Gimli [axe] ork
    Gimli [axe] ork
    ork: "OMG! h4x!"
    Gimli: "pwned"!
    Legolas [arrow] ork
    Legolas [arrow] ork
    Legolas: "lol!!"
    Boromir [broadsword] ork
    Gimli [axe] ork
    Gimli: "Foos!"
    Legolas [arrow] ork
    ork: "ffs, wallhax!"
    **The cavetroll enters the chambers destroying the doors
    Gandalf: "Oh ffs!"
    Boromir: "Omg, its teh boss!"
    Aragorn: "Sif noob, we're not at teh end yet!"
    **Cavetroll slams Boromir and Aragorn out of the way, and then skewers Frodo
    Sam: "OMG!"
    Gandalf: "OMG!"
    Aragorn: "omg, pwn!"
    **Legolas jumps on the cavetroll and shoots arrows down into its head
    Legolas [arrow] cavetroll
    Ork: "OMG! PWNED!"
    Gimli: "LOLOOLOL! noobs"
    **The fellowship then runs through Moria, chased the whole way by a horde of orks
    Boromir: "FFS! Teams, foos!"
    **A flaming shadow starts to follow them, and the orks withdraw
    Aragorn: "Now THIS is teh boss!"
    Gandalf: "OMG!"
    **The fellowship take to long flights of stairs that are starting to crumble and fall. Orks shoot at them with arrows.
    Legolas: "LOL, noobs. Chex0r this out!1!"
    Legolas [arrow] ork
    Legolas [arrow] ork
    ork: "AIMBOT!"
    ork: "turn it off!"
    Legolas: "lolol!"
    **The fellowship crosses a bridge, Gandalf stops to confront the balrog
    Gandalf: "joo shall not pass!"
    Balrog: "wtf?"
    Gandalf: "JOO SHALL NOT PASS!"
    Balrog: "Sif, noob"
    **Gandalf strikes the bridge with his staff, cracking it and causing it to break under the Balrog's weight
    Balrog: "ZOMG! PWNED!"
    Frodo: "OMG! Gandalf!"
    **The Balrog falls and in a last act of defiance strikes out with its whip, entangling Gandalf
    Gandalf: "D'oh"
    Frodo: "OMG, joo foo!"
    Gandalf: "fly u foos, fly!"
    **Gandalf lets go and follows the Balrog into the crevass
    Gandalf has left the server
    Balrog has disconnected

    [After escaping Moria the fellowship finds itself in Loth Lorien]
    **The fellowship rests, and in the night Frodo speaks with Galadriel
    Galadriel: "For a noob, u r teh leet!"
    Frodo: "Sif. I don't want teh ringz0r. Do u want teh ringz0r?"
    Galadriel: "WTFWTF! SIF I want teh ringz0r. I have enough h4x of my own!1"

    [The fellowship leaves Loth Lorien and sets out via river]
    Saurman: "ph34r my army of uruk hai! Go outz0r, find teh hobbitz and pwnz0r them!"
    uruk hai: "leet!"

    [stopping at the banks of the river, the Fellowship sets up camp]
    **Frodo goes off looking for firewood, Boromir follows and confronts him
    Boromir: "Gimmie teh ringz0r so ur hax can fight teh boss!"
    Frodo: "Sif, foo. Punkbuster will pwn joo!"
    Boromir: "Naw, we play on non-pb servers"
    Frodo: "STFU noob"
    Frodo has left the server
    Boromir: "WTF! FRODO! Bring teh ringz0r back, faghat!"

    **A group of Uruk Hai encounter Boromir
    Boromir: "OH FFS, TEAMS!!"
    Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
    Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
    Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
    Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
    Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
    Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
    Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
    Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
    Boromir: "****ing campers"
    **Aragorn comes across the battle
    Aragorn: "Boromir joo noob! Wtf!"
    Uruk Hai: "Hah, pwn!"
    Aragorn [broadsword] Uruk Hai
    Aragorn: "I bring joo teh pwn!"
    **Aragorn goes to Boromir
    Boromir: "Damn lag!"
    Warning: Connection problems detected
    Boromir has disconnected
    Aragorn: "FFS!"

    [Frodo returns to the bank of the river where he gets into a boat. Sam 'sees' him]
    Sam: "Frodo! WTF! Invisibility h4x!"
    Frodo has connected to the server
    Frodo: "Sam, STFU and FOAD!"
    Sam: "Sif!"
    Frodo: "Oh, ffs noob!"

    ^----raveing lunatic

    please excuse my horendus mangeling of the english language, its only my first :P