Scaring away clingy girls

[screaming_emu]

A friend of mine has an issue we are looking for creative solutions for. There's this girl he knows that is extremely clingy and wont leave him alone. She's after a long term relationship and he wants nothing to do with her. She sends him text messages non stop and we're looking for creative ways to get her to stop.

We want the soution to be as funny as possible, and obviously no permanent or physical harm should come to her. Open to all suggestions, provided they're funny.

[Crunk415balla]

Oh god, I live for things like this. Give me a night to think about it and tommorow I'll have the perfect solution. Until then, I'll share one of my experiances with the same problem. I have two, mabey I'll post the other one later. I swear they're true, I do very elaborate things. The second one is probably much funnier, but this one is far more elaborate.

This Idea came from this video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8Nc8RCLy1s
The first was a 13 year old girl who had never really met me. I was on the football team with her brother, and she asked him for my screen name and started telling me step by step everything I did durring each game, which at first was just like having a fan, but then it got weird. She started stalking me, and begging my little brother and all my friends on myspace for my number. After 5 months of this, and being "Mr. Niceguy" telling her politely that I wasn't interested, and that I would probably go to jail for stagitory rape, I decided it was time for a new way of solving the situation. The Chasen way.

I knew this would take something big, and something big is what I did. Her brother was eager to help, so he told me where she walks home from school everyday. I went down to PacSun and bought a girls pink sleeveless shirt and white hotpants, then I supplied two of my friends with a police uniform and a pilot's uniform. A few more of my friends were to dress up as an Indian, a cowboy, the red power ranger, a constuction worker, and a latex outfit complete with spectrum hat and makeup.(I think you see where this is going) Here is a picture of me trying on my new outfit.


I pull up in my grandpa's cadilac in a per-detirmined spot, and wait for her. Surely enough, here she comes, I call her name and she comes over to the car. And she says "Yay! Where are you taking me". I say "Irene, there are a lot of things you don't know about me." "Oh?", she responds. I then start my CD, playing the song from the He-man video, "Whats goin' on"-by Three Non Blondes(techno remix), which is longer and slightly diffrent(but just as homosexual) as the one in the video. For the first part of the song I just sort of bob my head to it and it is obvious she is getting uncomfortable. Then I start singing in the highest voice I could muster up "And so I cry sometimes while I lie in my bed, just to get it all out-what's in my head" at about this point I get out of the car and come skipping around to the sidewalk where she is standing. Then my friends in cop and pilot uniforms come out of the back seat and we all join hands and start dancing in a circle around her singing the song. Once we reached the chorus, my other 5 friends come out of my friend Ryan's Mitsubiti Evolution throwing confetti, and two of them join in on the circle while the rest start jumping around us, one on the hood of the car(no damage done). This went on for a good 2.5 minutes until the chorus came on for the final time and I pulled a giant rainbow flag I bought at an art and wine festivle and went running around the circle holding it behind my back somewhat like a cape. Then we all dove onto the grass(it was right outside of a park) and started wrestling, surprisingly she stood in one place with a very shocked look on her face.(I had expected her to run off as soon as everyone came out) So I grabbed my friend's lipstick and smeared some on my face then got up and looked at her a moment before saying "...I like guys...a lot." She said "My brother said that before...".

Everyone got up as if nothing had happened and drove away, two of my friends got in the cadilac and sat silent just looking out the window and I asked her, "Want a ride home?" She did, so I drove her the block or two, dropped her off, and that was that.

[Greg Wilson]

Fair dinkum Joe............a friend of mine..........ok.
But on the off chance you are telling the truth,move in on her yourself....your mates problem solved.
No doubt she would be hard pushed to stay with you too long........problem completely solved.

[Crism]

Chasen I would have paid money to see that go down!

[scramjet]

Silent killer released on the sly everytime you're around her. This is nonlethal warfare at its best. However, if you really want to embarass her-and yourself- a loud ripper in a public place will most certaintly do the trick.

She won't be able to say "bye" fast enough.

[FlyingPhotog]

He should just tell her he has herpes or something.

[DeltaFlyer]

Looking good in that outfit!!! hahahaha...I am gay and that would scare me off!!!!

[indian airlines]

He should permanently start calling her bitch like it's her first name, and basically act like a very demanding guy - asking her to do his laundry, getting him a soda etc. She's going to end up running away like there's no tomorrow.

[ACman]

My Sister was out clubbing one night and this 40 year old man asked her for her number and she told him she was a lesbo.

So tell this girl your (althoguh its not you) gay.

[Simpleboy]

Silent killer released on the sly everytime you're around her. This is nonlethal warfare at its best. However, if you really want to embarass her-and yourself- a loud ripper in a public place will most certaintly do the trick.

She won't be able to say "bye" fast enough.

Nah, take her out to dinner, then when your at the restaurant, lean across the table, hold both her hands and say "I have something to tell you."

Then let one off, she cant slap you cause your holding both her hands.

[ACman]

Then let one off

There are two types of relationships, those who can fart infront of eachother, and those who cant.

Honestly, the first fart is the most difficult thing in any relationship.

[magic48]

Honestly, the first fart is the most difficult thing in any relationship.

sounds like you're a very experienced couples therapist

[Crunk415balla]

Looking good in that outfit!!! hahahaha...I am gay and that would scare me off!!!!

If its that bad, then mission accomplished.

I'm still thinking of something elaborate for your friends situation, Joe. But here is another idea which I am sure he could pull off.

This other girl was very similar to you're friends situation, I didn't want anything to do with her, and she was very clingy. I danced with her once at a dance, and I guess she took that as an eternal vow. I first had an elaborate plan for homecomming, but I decided not to ask her because I didn't want to ruin the night, although it would be funny, by being with a girl I didn't want to be with. So, a few months past and I felt enough was enough. I asked her out on a date, she says yes, and then I put a plan into play. I place my airport scanner on the dash of the car. She gets in and the second she opens her mouth I tell her "SHHHH!" and I listen to an SFO transmission. I did this everytime I call came across while we were in the car. I began driving to my selected destination, and went down Highway 101. The area I was driving through had all SFO arrivals flying alongside it, and had all the GA aircraft from San Carlos(KSQL) flying a few hundred feet overhead. Everytime a plane was comming by I'd pull over to the side of the road where I wouldn't be hit and slam on the brakes. Then I'd watch it pass by hanging my head out the window with binoculars.

After a 45 minute drive(should have been 15 minutes), we arrive at my destination. She is looking very strange already, and even more so when I pulled into the San Carlos airport. First I pulled in front of "Iggy's stakehouse", a very nice/expensive place to eat. But then I go in reverse into the spot behind me-infront of Burger King. The San Carlos Buger King is filled with planes, they're everywhere, and runways/taxiways are painted on the floor. She didn't seem thrilled though. There is an old vietnam era helicopter parked outside, I jumped inside and tried to convince her to play in it with me. She wouldn't. When we get in I stuck my arms out and started running around making airplane noises. Everybody was staring, except for her, she was looking away with a red face. I was going to make her pay for her own food, but I decided not to. So we eat and all I talk about is how sexy I thought the Cirrus out the window was, and how much I wanted to walk over and touch it.

When we get back in the car, I tell her I got her a present. It was an inflated airplane intertube I've had for years and years. I tell her to put it on and make airplane noises. She just looked at me blankly and then I grabbed her hands and said "You know what I learned tonight....there is something I really like." I paused and waited for her to say what I thought she would say. "Me?" She finally says. "No! Airplanes. I REALLY like airplanes...I mean...in a sexual way." I responded. Then I asked her to put it on again and she insisted I take her home. There was no need to shush her when ATC calls came on this time, she was dead silent. I dropped her off, and that was that. It was mostly made up as I went along, it didn't take much planning like the first one did.

So I got her to stop obsessing over me, but now all her much more attractive friends think I'm a perverted weirdo. Eh, you win some you lose some.

[screaming_emu]

Fair dinkum Joe............a friend of mine..........ok.
But on the off chance you are telling the truth,move in on her yourself....your mates problem solved.
No doubt she would be hard pushed to stay with you too long........problem completely solved.

nah, it actually is a friend of mine. I'd be the first to admit that I was having girl troubles cause that would mean that they were actually interested in me

I thought about asking my friend if I should move in myself, but seeing as this friend is my roomie, it wouldn't exactly solve his problem. And about the last thing I need is a clingy local girl right before I graduate and move away in december...or maybe that IS what I need since I'm leaving anyway

Oh and Chasen...you're crazy. Hillarious, but definately not sane.

[Crism]

What you want to do is make her dump any boyfriends she had/has had and convince her to fly on your private jet across the country to be with you. The minute she steps out of the jet, bring out your girlfriend and laugh your ass off at her. Then get back in your limo and yell out the window "I'm rich BIITTTCHHH" and drive off.

Do it Chappelle style. That was one of the best skits ever.