Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Pope's visit to New Zealand

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Pope's visit to New Zealand

    Just when we commence with the Super 14...............

    On a tour of NZ, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the ocean, for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach at the Whakatane Heads in his car when there was a frantic commotion just off the shore.

    A helpless man wearing a green and gold Aussie rugby jersey and hat was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 5-metre shark.
    As the Pope watched, horrified, a Waka (Canoe) came cruzin up with two men wearing black & white All Black jerseys.

    Kora quickly chucked a harpoon into the shark`s side. Hohepa reached out and pulled the mauled, bleeding and semi-conscious Aussie from the water.
    Then, using long clubs, Kora and Hohepa beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat.

    Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard that there was some bitter hatred between NZ and Australia, but now I have seen with my own eyes that is not true."

    As the Pope drove off, Kora asked Hohepa "Who the bloody hell was that bro?" "That was the Pope mate," Hohepa replied. "He's in direct contact with God bro, and has access to all of God's wisdom."

    "Well," Kora said "he may have access to God's wisdom but the prick don't know Jack Sh*t about shark fishing......... is the bait holding up okay or do we need to get another Aussie?"
    RobB


  • #2

    Comment


    • #3
      And you wonder why South Africa had racial problems

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Will M
        And you wonder why South Africa had racial problems
        Not sure I understand your "racial" logic here, mate - by the way, this was sent to me by a Kiwi "cuzzie bro" - bro ! Have fun.
        RobB

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Will M
          And you wonder why South Africa had racial problems
          show me a place on the planet that doesn't have racial problems...


          next trips
          USA/DXB August.

          Comment


          • #6
            G'Day Mont, trust you are well. Wow, I'm still trying to figure out what is so "racial" about the joke ??? If I substituted the characters with SAfricans and Poms, would it be OK then ??? At least there is no stump mike to record Herchelle Gibbs type opinions, what ???

            It is a well documented and accepted that the rivalry between sporting nations such as the Kiwi's and Aussies is traditional and good natured. Fortunately I am able to laugh at the "good natured abuse" that gets hurled my way when our cricket/rugby teams get smacked (such as yesterday's ODI in Durban against Pakistan and from my Kiwi brother-in-law after we play any Kiwi S/14 side).

            Anyway, our shark fishing at least has a cage which the Pope, when he decides to visit SA, can view all the action from. Just need an Aussie with a rugby jersey to swim around said cage for a while - any takers ? Obviously our sharks are very discerning as to who they would take a bite out of - Kiwi's tasteless ?
            RobB

            Comment


            • #7
              no idea what the racial connotations are....trying to figure it out myself, sounds like Will's a little sensitive to me.


              next trips
              USA/DXB August.

              Comment


              • #8
                Finally got it Mont, re-send of the story with apologies to Will

                On a tour of South Africa, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the ocean, for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach at Gansbaai in his car when there was a frantic commotion just off the shore.

                A helpless man wearing an All Black rugby jersey and hat was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 5-metre shark. As the Pope watched, horrified, a big jet-ski came cruzin up with two men wearing green and gold Sprongbok jerseys.

                Mont quickly chucked a harpoon into the shark`s side. Rob reached out and pulled the mauled, bleeding and semi-conscious Kiwi from the water. Then, using long clubs, Mont and Rob beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat.

                Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard that there was some bitter hatred between South Africa and NZ, but now I have seen with my own eyes that is not true."

                As the Pope drove off, Mont asked Rob "Who the bloody hell was that bro?" "That was the Pope mate," Rob replied. "He's in direct contact with God bro, and has access to all of God's wisdom."

                "Well," Mont said "he may have access to God's wisdom but the prick don't know Jack Sh*t about shark fishing......... is the bait holding up okay or do we need to get another Kiwi?"
                RobB

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by RobinB
                  Finally got it Mont, re-send of the story with apologies to Will

                  On a tour of South Africa, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the ocean, for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach at Gansbaai in his car when there was a frantic commotion just off the shore.

                  A helpless man wearing an All Black rugby jersey and hat was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 5-metre shark. As the Pope watched, horrified, a big jet-ski came cruzin up with two men wearing green and gold Sprongbok jerseys.

                  Mont quickly chucked a harpoon into the shark`s side. Rob reached out and pulled the mauled, bleeding and semi-conscious Kiwi from the water. Then, using long clubs, Mont and Rob beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat.

                  Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard that there was some bitter hatred between South Africa and NZ, but now I have seen with my own eyes that is not true."

                  As the Pope drove off, Mont asked Rob "Who the bloody hell was that bro?" "That was the Pope mate," Rob replied. "He's in direct contact with God bro, and has access to all of God's wisdom."

                  "Well," Mont said "he may have access to God's wisdom but the prick don't know Jack Sh*t about shark fishing......... is the bait holding up okay or do we need to get another Kiwi?"
                  rofl!
                  Christian Vlček Sullivan | Through The Fence Photography
                  Forever New Frontiers

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by RobinB
                    Finally got it Mont, re-send of the story with apologies to Will

                    On a tour of South Africa, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the ocean, for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach at Gansbaai in his car when there was a frantic commotion just off the shore.

                    A helpless man wearing an All Black rugby jersey and hat was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 5-metre shark. As the Pope watched, horrified, a big jet-ski came cruzin up with two men wearing green and gold Sprongbok jerseys.

                    Mont quickly chucked a harpoon into the shark`s side. Rob reached out and pulled the mauled, bleeding and semi-conscious Kiwi from the water. Then, using long clubs, Mont and Rob beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat.

                    Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard that there was some bitter hatred between South Africa and NZ, but now I have seen with my own eyes that is not true."

                    As the Pope drove off, Mont asked Rob "Who the bloody hell was that bro?" "That was the Pope mate," Rob replied. "He's in direct contact with God bro, and has access to all of God's wisdom."

                    "Well," Mont said "he may have access to God's wisdom but the prick don't know Jack Sh*t about shark fishing......... is the bait holding up okay or do we need to get another Kiwi?"
                    *points to Mungous then hides*
                    Sam Rudge
                    A 5D3, some Canon lenses, the Sigma L and a flash

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Can't you make it a bit more politically correct?

                      I had an Aussie (up on the Gold Coast) ask me rudely one time if I was a Yank. Thank goodness I had had a couple of drinks because I shot back "no are you a Kiwi?" I ducked quick and he missed and a few others in the pub had a good laugh. He bought me a beer!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by ptbodale
                        Can't you make it a bit more politically correct?
                        Wow, why don't we just stop telling jokes - if we "PC sanitised" jokes we would have no jokes to tell. If one cannot laugh at one's self, well find a bridge and jump. I guess this one is also going to offend you as well ??

                        Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......

                        "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon I ahm sure of eet."

                        "Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee".

                        So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

                        There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture ... there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.

                        "Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved! Eet EES a bacon tree!"

                        "Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage?; We ees in the Desert don't forget."

                        "Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".

                        And with that ....Luis races toward the tree. He gets to within 5 meters, with Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden a machine gun opens up and Luis is cut down in his tracks.

                        It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath. "Pepe...go back man,you was right...ees not a bacon tree."

                        "Luis Luis, mi amigo...what ees it?

                        "Pepe...ees not a bacon tree...

                        Ees..........

                        Ees...

                        Ees.........

                        Ees....

                        ... Eees a Ham Bush!"
                        RobB

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by RobinB
                          Wow, why don't we just stop telling jokes - if we "PC sanitised" jokes we would have no jokes to tell. If one cannot laugh at one's self, well find a bridge and jump. I guess this one is also going to offend you as well ??
                          I was joking. My little smiley face didn't show up.

                          Being politically correct is getting so bad. You can't tell a joke, call your holidays by their real titles (Christmas!) or spank your kids when they reeeeaaaally need it.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by ptbodale
                            I was joking. My little smiley face didn't show up.
                            YES PLEASE, a real person afterall - my parting shot on this

                            Olaf vas vorking at de fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he accidentally cut off all ten of his finkers.

                            He vent to da emergency room in de klinik and vhen he got dar da Norsky
                            doctor looked at Olaf and said: "Let's have da finkers and I'll see vhat I can do".

                            Olaf said, "I haven't got da finkers." "Vhat do you mean, you hafen't got da finkers?" he said. "Lord; it's 2006! Ive's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could hafe put dem back on and made you like new! Vhy didn't you brink da finkers?"

                            Olaf says (irritably) ..........."How da vock vas I suppose to pick dem up?"
                            RobB

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by RobinB
                              YES PLEASE, a real person afterall - my parting shot on this

                              Olaf vas vorking at de fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he accidentally cut off all ten of his finkers.

                              He vent to da emergency room in de klinik and vhen he got dar da Norsky
                              doctor looked at Olaf and said: "Let's have da finkers and I'll see vhat I can do".

                              Olaf said, "I haven't got da finkers." "Vhat do you mean, you hafen't got da finkers?" he said. "Lord; it's 2006! Ive's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could hafe put dem back on and made you like new! Vhy didn't you brink da finkers?"

                              Olaf says (irritably) ..........."How da vock vas I suppose to pick dem up?"
                              Haha...brilliant.
                              "The Director also sets the record straight on what would happen if oxygen masks were to drop from the ceiling: The passengers freak out with abandon, instead of continuing to chat amiably, as though lunch were being served, like they do on those in-flight safety videos."

                              -- The LA Times, in a review of 'Flightplan'

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X