Pope's visit to New Zealand

[RobinB]

Just when we commence with the Super 14...............

On a tour of NZ, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the ocean, for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach at the Whakatane Heads in his car when there was a frantic commotion just off the shore.

A helpless man wearing a green and gold Aussie rugby jersey and hat was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 5-metre shark.
As the Pope watched, horrified, a Waka (Canoe) came cruzin up with two men wearing black & white All Black jerseys.

Kora quickly chucked a harpoon into the shark`s side. Hohepa reached out and pulled the mauled, bleeding and semi-conscious Aussie from the water.
Then, using long clubs, Kora and Hohepa beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat.

Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard that there was some bitter hatred between NZ and Australia, but now I have seen with my own eyes that is not true."

As the Pope drove off, Kora asked Hohepa "Who the bloody hell was that bro?" "That was the Pope mate," Hohepa replied. "He's in direct contact with God bro, and has access to all of God's wisdom."

"Well," Kora said "he may have access to God's wisdom but the prick don't know Jack Sh*t about shark fishing......... is the bait holding up okay or do we need to get another Aussie?"

[Messerschmitt Man]

[Will M]

And you wonder why South Africa had racial problems

[RobinB]

And you wonder why South Africa had racial problems

Not sure I understand your "racial" logic here, mate - by the way, this was sent to me by a Kiwi "cuzzie bro" - bro ! Have fun.

[Longreach747]

And you wonder why South Africa had racial problems

show me a place on the planet that doesn't have racial problems...

[RobinB]

G'Day Mont, trust you are well. Wow, I'm still trying to figure out what is so "racial" about the joke ??? If I substituted the characters with SAfricans and Poms, would it be OK then ??? At least there is no stump mike to record Herchelle Gibbs type opinions, what ???

It is a well documented and accepted that the rivalry between sporting nations such as the Kiwi's and Aussies is traditional and good natured. Fortunately I am able to laugh at the "good natured abuse" that gets hurled my way when our cricket/rugby teams get smacked (such as yesterday's ODI in Durban against Pakistan and from my Kiwi brother-in-law after we play any Kiwi S/14 side).

Anyway, our shark fishing at least has a cage which the Pope, when he decides to visit SA, can view all the action from. Just need an Aussie with a rugby jersey to swim around said cage for a while - any takers ? Obviously our sharks are very discerning as to who they would take a bite out of - Kiwi's tasteless ?

[Longreach747]

no idea what the racial connotations are....trying to figure it out myself, sounds like Will's a little sensitive to me.

[RobinB]

Finally got it Mont, re-send of the story with apologies to Will

On a tour of South Africa, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the ocean, for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach at Gansbaai in his car when there was a frantic commotion just off the shore.

A helpless man wearing an All Black rugby jersey and hat was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 5-metre shark. As the Pope watched, horrified, a big jet-ski came cruzin up with two men wearing green and gold Sprongbok jerseys.

Mont quickly chucked a harpoon into the shark`s side. Rob reached out and pulled the mauled, bleeding and semi-conscious Kiwi from the water. Then, using long clubs, Mont and Rob beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat.

Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard that there was some bitter hatred between South Africa and NZ, but now I have seen with my own eyes that is not true."

As the Pope drove off, Mont asked Rob "Who the bloody hell was that bro?" "That was the Pope mate," Rob replied. "He's in direct contact with God bro, and has access to all of God's wisdom."

"Well," Mont said "he may have access to God's wisdom but the prick don't know Jack Sh*t about shark fishing......... is the bait holding up okay or do we need to get another Kiwi?"

[Chris@YYZ]

Finally got it Mont, re-send of the story with apologies to Will

On a tour of South Africa, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the ocean, for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach at Gansbaai in his car when there was a frantic commotion just off the shore.

A helpless man wearing an All Black rugby jersey and hat was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 5-metre shark. As the Pope watched, horrified, a big jet-ski came cruzin up with two men wearing green and gold Sprongbok jerseys.

Mont quickly chucked a harpoon into the shark`s side. Rob reached out and pulled the mauled, bleeding and semi-conscious Kiwi from the water. Then, using long clubs, Mont and Rob beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat.

Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard that there was some bitter hatred between South Africa and NZ, but now I have seen with my own eyes that is not true."

As the Pope drove off, Mont asked Rob "Who the bloody hell was that bro?" "That was the Pope mate," Rob replied. "He's in direct contact with God bro, and has access to all of God's wisdom."

"Well," Mont said "he may have access to God's wisdom but the prick don't know Jack Sh*t about shark fishing......... is the bait holding up okay or do we need to get another Kiwi?"

rofl!

[Simpleboy]

Finally got it Mont, re-send of the story with apologies to Will

On a tour of South Africa, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the ocean, for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach at Gansbaai in his car when there was a frantic commotion just off the shore.

A helpless man wearing an All Black rugby jersey and hat was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 5-metre shark. As the Pope watched, horrified, a big jet-ski came cruzin up with two men wearing green and gold Sprongbok jerseys.

Mont quickly chucked a harpoon into the shark`s side. Rob reached out and pulled the mauled, bleeding and semi-conscious Kiwi from the water. Then, using long clubs, Mont and Rob beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat.

Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard that there was some bitter hatred between South Africa and NZ, but now I have seen with my own eyes that is not true."

As the Pope drove off, Mont asked Rob "Who the bloody hell was that bro?" "That was the Pope mate," Rob replied. "He's in direct contact with God bro, and has access to all of God's wisdom."

"Well," Mont said "he may have access to God's wisdom but the prick don't know Jack Sh*t about shark fishing......... is the bait holding up okay or do we need to get another Kiwi?"

*points to Mungous then hides*

[ptbodale]

Can't you make it a bit more politically correct?

I had an Aussie (up on the Gold Coast) ask me rudely one time if I was a Yank. Thank goodness I had had a couple of drinks because I shot back "no are you a Kiwi?" I ducked quick and he missed and a few others in the pub had a good laugh. He bought me a beer!

[RobinB]

Can't you make it a bit more politically correct?

Wow, why don't we just stop telling jokes - if we "PC sanitised" jokes we would have no jokes to tell. If one cannot laugh at one's self, well find a bridge and jump. I guess this one is also going to offend you as well ??

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon I ahm sure of eet."

"Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee".

So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture ... there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved! Eet EES a bacon tree!"

"Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage?; We ees in the Desert don't forget."

"Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".

And with that ....Luis races toward the tree. He gets to within 5 meters, with Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden a machine gun opens up and Luis is cut down in his tracks.

It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath. "Pepe...go back man,you was right...ees not a bacon tree."

"Luis Luis, mi amigo...what ees it?

"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree...

Ees..........

Ees...

Ees.........

Ees....

... Eees a Ham Bush!"

[ptbodale]

Wow, why don't we just stop telling jokes - if we "PC sanitised" jokes we would have no jokes to tell. If one cannot laugh at one's self, well find a bridge and jump. I guess this one is also going to offend you as well ??

I was joking. My little smiley face didn't show up.

Being politically correct is getting so bad. You can't tell a joke, call your holidays by their real titles (Christmas!) or spank your kids when they reeeeaaaally need it.

[RobinB]

I was joking. My little smiley face didn't show up.

YES PLEASE, a real person afterall - my parting shot on this

Olaf vas vorking at de fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he accidentally cut off all ten of his finkers.

He vent to da emergency room in de klinik and vhen he got dar da Norsky
doctor looked at Olaf and said: "Let's have da finkers and I'll see vhat I can do".

Olaf said, "I haven't got da finkers." "Vhat do you mean, you hafen't got da finkers?" he said. "Lord; it's 2006! Ive's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could hafe put dem back on and made you like new! Vhy didn't you brink da finkers?"

Olaf says (irritably) ..........."How da vock vas I suppose to pick dem up?"

[indian airlines]

YES PLEASE, a real person afterall - my parting shot on this

Olaf vas vorking at de fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he accidentally cut off all ten of his finkers.

He vent to da emergency room in de klinik and vhen he got dar da Norsky
doctor looked at Olaf and said: "Let's have da finkers and I'll see vhat I can do".

Olaf said, "I haven't got da finkers." "Vhat do you mean, you hafen't got da finkers?" he said. "Lord; it's 2006! Ive's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could hafe put dem back on and made you like new! Vhy didn't you brink da finkers?"

Olaf says (irritably) ..........."How da vock vas I suppose to pick dem up?"

Haha...brilliant.