So is this thread on or not, or just revive the 'other' joke thread?
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Chris' Fact of the Day
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Ok, here goes then, appologise if already covered:
A little girl walks into her parents' bathroom and notices for the First time, her father's nakedness.
Immediately, she is curious: he has equipment that she doesn't have. She asks, "What are those round things hanging there, daddy?"
Proudly, he replies, "Those, sweetheart, are God's Apples of Life.
Without them we wouldn't be here."
Puzzled, she seeks her mommy out and tells her what daddy has said.
To which mommy asks, "Did he say anything about the dead branch they're hanging from?"
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Here's one from another thread:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said "Watson, look up into : the sky and tell me what you see." Watson said "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes: "And what does that tell you?" Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells : me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes: "Somebody stole our tent".
-Chris
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A long one but funny:
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and
a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order.
"That will be £9.40 please," she says and the man reaches into his
pocket
and pulls out the exact amount for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says,
"A hamburger, fries, and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact amount.
For a while this becomes routine until the two enter again later in the
week.
"The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this time it's a treat, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and
salad," says the man.
"Yep! Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be £32.62."
Once again the man pulls the exact amount out of his pocket and places it
on the table.
The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir.
How do you manage to always come up with the exact money from your pocket
every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was clearing the attic and
found
an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just
put
my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be
there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a
couple
of million pounds or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want
for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a pint of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact
money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses, and replies,
"My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs who
agrees with everything I say."
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Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. He reluctantly agrees. Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks,
‘Dad what’s love juice?’
Dad looks horrified and quickly tells Billy all about sex.
Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.
Dad says ‘why what were you watching?’
Billy says ‘Wimbledon’!!!
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A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold
evening. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither
of them is hurt.
God works in Mysterious ways.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man".
That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars, there's
nothing left of them, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God
that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the
rest of our days."
Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely; this
must be a sign from God!"
The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car
is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely
God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle,
and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and
immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Women are clever, evil 8itches.
Don't mess with them, don't EVER trust them!!
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