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  • So is this thread on or not, or just revive the 'other' joke thread?

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    • Originally posted by turbotraker
      So is this thread on or not, or just revive the 'other' joke thread?
      Eh, what the heck, might as well give it a go. As long as the jokes are good.

      -Chris

      Comment


      • Ok, here goes then, appologise if already covered:

        A little girl walks into her parents' bathroom and notices for the First time, her father's nakedness.

        Immediately, she is curious: he has equipment that she doesn't have. She asks, "What are those round things hanging there, daddy?"

        Proudly, he replies, "Those, sweetheart, are God's Apples of Life.

        Without them we wouldn't be here."

        Puzzled, she seeks her mommy out and tells her what daddy has said.

        To which mommy asks, "Did he say anything about the dead branch they're hanging from?"

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        • Here's one from another thread:

          Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said "Watson, look up into : the sky and tell me what you see." Watson said "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes: "And what does that tell you?" Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells : me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes: "Somebody stole our tent".

          -Chris

          Comment


          • A long one but funny:

            A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

            The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and
            a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

            "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

            A short time later the waitress returns with the order.
            "That will be £9.40 please," she says and the man reaches into his
            pocket
            and pulls out the exact amount for payment.

            The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says,
            "A hamburger, fries, and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

            Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact amount.
            For a while this becomes routine until the two enter again later in the
            week.

            "The usual?" asks the waitress.
            "No, this time it's a treat, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and
            salad," says the man.

            "Yep! Same," says the ostrich.
            Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be £32.62."

            Once again the man pulls the exact amount out of his pocket and places it
            on the table.

            The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir.

            How do you manage to always come up with the exact money from your pocket
            every time?"

            "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was clearing the attic and
            found
            an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

            My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just
            put
            my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be
            there."

            "That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a
            couple
            of million pounds or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want
            for as long as you live!"

            "That's right. Whether it's a pint of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact
            money is always there," says the man.

            The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

            The man sighs, pauses, and replies,

            "My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs who
            agrees with everything I say."

            Comment


            • I like it, but don't you think you should change "ostrich" to "emu"?

              Comment


              • Originally posted by Half Bottle
                I like it, but don't you think you should change "ostrich" to "emu"?
                And face the wrath of 'the' Emu?

                Comment


                • Originally posted by turbotraker
                  And face the wrath of 'the' Emu?
                  Precisely.

                  (Just trying to get my feet wet in jp.net humor. I'll get better -- or worse, depending on your point of view -- in time).

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by Half Bottle

                    (Just trying to get my feet wet in jp.net humor. I'll get better -- or worse, depending on your point of view -- in time).
                    Welcome to the party

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by z740
                      Oh, and guess what I had for lunch today?
                      Kieeeeeeeeeeeelbasa

                      Originally posted by turbotraker
                      Welcome to the party
                      Welcome to the jungle

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by pkonowrocki
                        Kieeeeeeeeeeeelbasa


                        Welcome to the jungle
                        You hit the nail on the head for both comments my friend! How I love the kielbasa.

                        -Chris

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by z740
                          You hit the nail on the head for both comments my friend! How I love the kielbasa.
                          Really ? Lol I dont remember the last time I ate it *hides under the bed, ashamed*.
                          So what's poppin everyone ?

                          Comment


                          • Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. He reluctantly agrees. Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks,

                            ‘Dad what’s love juice?’

                            Dad looks horrified and quickly tells Billy all about sex.

                            Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.

                            Dad says ‘why what were you watching?’

                            Billy says ‘Wimbledon’!!!


                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by pkonowrocki
                              Lol I dont remember the last time I ate it
                              Who says you ate it?

                              Comment


                              • A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold
                                evening. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither
                                of them is hurt.

                                God works in Mysterious ways.

                                After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man".

                                That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars, there's
                                nothing left of them, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God
                                that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the
                                rest of our days."

                                Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely; this
                                must be a sign from God!"

                                The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car
                                is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely
                                God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

                                Then she hands the bottle to the man.

                                The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle,
                                and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and
                                immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

                                The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

                                The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."



                                MORAL OF THE STORY:

                                Women are clever, evil 8itches.
                                Don't mess with them, don't EVER trust them!!

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