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APPLICATION TO LIVE IN WEST VIRGINIA.

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  • APPLICATION TO LIVE IN WEST VIRGINIA.

    APPLICATION TO LIVE IN WEST VIRGINIA

    Name:________________ Nickname:______________ CB Handle:_____________

    Address: (RFD):________________________________________________________

    Daddy: (If unknown attach list of three suspects):_____________________

    Mamma:_______________________________

    Neck Shade: ( ) Light Red ( ) Medium Red ( ) Dark Red

    Number of teeth exposed in full grin: Upper:______ Lower:________

    Name of Pickup Owned:______________ Height of truck:__________

    Truck Equipped with:
    ( ) Gun Rack ( ) 4-Wheel Drive ( ) Confederate Flag ( ) Toothpick Holder
    ( ) 8-Track ( ) Load of Wood ( ) Hijacker Shocks ( ) Mud-grip Tires
    ( ) Big Dog ( ) Racoon Hide ( ) Dual CB Antenna ( ) Fuzz Buster
    ( ) Spitoon ( ) Camper Top ( ) Mag Wheels ( ) Air Horns
    ( ) Mud Flaps

    Number of Empty Beer Cans on Floor Board of Pickup:_________

    Bumper Stickers:
    ( ) Eat More Possum ( ) Peanut Butter ( ) Honk if You Love Jesus
    ( ) Wave if You're Horny ( ) Redman Chewing Tobacco

    Define the following (Must be 90% correct):
    ( ) Grits ( ) Muscadine ( ) Cobbler ( ) Tater
    ( ) Goobers ( ) Brogans ( ) Fatback ( ) Pig Skins
    ( ) Collards ( ) Redeye Gravy ( ) Tote ( ) Pinto Beans
    ( ) Sidemeat ( ) Sawmill Gravy ( ) Poke ( ) Turnip Salit
    ( ) Chitlins ( ) Soppin Syrup ( ) Cracker ( ) Shit-on-Shingle
    ( ) Ramps

    Favorite Vocalist:
    ( ) Donna Fargo ( ) Conway Twitty ( ) Loretta Lynn ( ) Hank Williams
    ( ) Elvis ( ) Slim Whitman ( ) Tammy Wynette ( ) Porter Wagoner
    ( ) Johnny Cash ( ) Willie Nelson ( ) George Jones ( ) Box Car Willie

    Favorite Recreation:
    ( ) Square Dancin' ( ) Possum Huntin' ( ) Skinny Dippin'
    ( ) Craw Daddin' ( ) Gospel Singin' ( ) 4-Wheelin'
    ( ) Drankin' ( ) Bull Chip Throwin' ( ) Blue Grass Conventions
    ( ) Spitten' backy ( ) Other

    Weapons Owned:
    ( ) Deer Rifle ( ) Bird Gun ( ) Varmit Rifle ( ) Sawed-off Shotgun
    ( ) Tire Iron ( ) Pick Handle ( ) Log Chain ( ) Power (chain) saw

    Number of Hound Dogs:___ Type: ( ) Blue Tick ( ) Black & Tan ( ) Beagle

    Emblem: ( ) John Deere ( ) CAT ( ) Budweiser ( ) McCullock Chain Saw
    ( ) PBR ( ) NAPA ( ) Coors ( ) Skoals

    Number of Weeks Unemployed:_____ Number of Welfare Checks Received:_____

    Number of Dependents (Legal):______ (Claimed):______

    Memberships:
    ( ) KKK ( ) NRA ( ) Moose ( ) PTL Club ( ) VFW ( ) American Legion
    ( ) Bass Club ( ) United Sons/Daughters of the Confederacy

    Length of Left Leg:______ Length of Right Leg:______

    Does your truck contain some part painted the official state color,
    Primer Red?______

    How many cars do you have jacked up on blocks in your front yard?______

    How many kitchen appliances (working or not) will you keep on your front
    porch?______

    Will you be a part of the West Virginia Intelligentsia with a measurable
    IQ?______

    Do you wear mostly double knit polyester pants with snags?______

    Do you own any shoes, if so how many? ______
    What year did you last purchase shoes? ______

    Are you married to any of the following?
    ( ) Sister ( ) Cousin ( ) Sow Do you know her name? ______

    Does your wife weigh more than your pickup?______

    Can you sign your name and get the spelling right every time?______

    Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend?______

    Can you count: Past 10 with your shoes on? ______
    To 21 with your fly up? ______

    Medical Information:
    Do you have at least 2 of the following:
    ( ) BO ( ) Crabs ( ) Head Lice ( ) Bad Breath
    ( ) Scabies ( ) Trench Mouth ( ) Runny Nose

    Do you know any words that have more than 4 letters?______

    Have you EVER had more than one bath in a week? ______

    ***********************************
    Please complete and email to Kaddyuk.

    (Note: residency approval may take up to 10 days, all applications are forwarded to Katamarino, head of the NZIA/WVIA who will conduct sexual offense and background checks.)
    "You can run but you'll die tired."
    Semper Fidelis
    United States Marine Corp !

  • #2
    Neck Shade: ( ) Light Red ( ) Medium Red ( ) Dark Red
    LOL!!!
    "The Director also sets the record straight on what would happen if oxygen masks were to drop from the ceiling: The passengers freak out with abandon, instead of continuing to chat amiably, as though lunch were being served, like they do on those in-flight safety videos."

    -- The LA Times, in a review of 'Flightplan'

    Comment


    • #3
      I had the "privilege" of living in WV for about 9 or 10 months last year. Being an Aussie I must say I was very amused learning about rednecks and their unique way of life. I thought Jeff Foxworthy had some hilarious redneck jokes and stories. Good job on the application form.

      Comment


      • #4
        Hilarious!

        However, living in Virginia I am use to hearing a lot of those. Those poor people in West virginia, getting slanderized by the entire nation...and world in this case!

        However, Bluegrass conventions aren't that West Virginian... Bluegrass is all up and down the East Coast! Though mostly concentrated in Virginia, W.Virginia, kentucky, Tennessee and NorthCarolina. :P

        DeltaASA16

        Comment


        • #5
          Living in WV must be like living in the "backwoods" of Ontario or in Newfoundland.

          Comment


          • #6
            Living in West Virginia is very pleasant if you don't see any of the other residents.

            Comment


            • #7
              Why people living in WV gets picked on?
              Check out my photos at jp.net! http://www.jetphotos.net/showphotos.php?userid=613

              Comment


              • #8
                Hey! There are worse places! Here's a sign I see often:

                'WELCOME TO GEORGIA!"

                My dad used to drive to Savannah, Georgis every week, and he'd often let me come with him. After you pass the city of Atlanta, there is no sign of civilization (except wierd-named, 'Population:54' towns) untill Macon. Macon can be COMPLETLY PASSED withing 4 minutes. After that, you get to stare at cottonfields until Savannah, where you have two options:

                Stop at the beach
                or
                Keep driving into the Atlantic hoping you can reach someplace better.

                So a note to West Virginians: I understand

                Comment


                • #9
                  I used to live in Arkansas and I just got back from a week in Eastern Tennessee so I understand this

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by ptbodale
                    Living in WV must be like living in the "backwoods" of Ontario or in Newfoundland.
                    Canadian hicks are funny, a good example of a Canadian hick is if you watch the Red Green show. It's full of them.
                    Earl From Regina

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Yes alot of states are full of "redneck ghettos".. I've driven through all 48 co states at least once during my 10 trips by car to Alberta, 5 trips by car to SoCal, two to VT, and to other places so I can say the ugliest people I ever saw were outside of Richmond VA, N Texas, and Georgia/Alabama near the Army base there.
                      "You can run but you'll die tired."
                      Semper Fidelis
                      United States Marine Corp !

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Have you ever been in southern Missouri??? If you wanna see top-quality rednecks, then southern Missouri is your place.

                        I-55 south of Festus is pretty much redneckland.



                        A Colombian guy moved by the winds of fate to St. Louis, MO

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Hey Myblock. Here in Peterborough we joke about how you can see more SUV's in downtown Toronto than out here in Red Green territory. At least we have guns in our gun racks. ha ha

                          And there are a thousand uses for duct tape.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            the red neck triangle should also include parts of West virginia, Ohio


                            Pretty much any1 south east of columbus by 50 miles is hick!!!

                            cinncinnati and columbus are the only real cities in ohio!!

                            COLUMBUS being the biggest
                            Welcome to Buckeye City! They call me Mr.sniffles
                            _______________________________________
                            Click Here to view my aircraft photos at JetPhotos.Net!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I've been to Southwestern Missouri and a little bit of NW Arkansas near the MO border but I still think none of it compares with Eastern Tennessee, especially the Cumberland Plateau.

                              Comment

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