Friday - revenge of the aged

[RobinB]

My brother sent me this "gem' - appealed to my sense of humour

[LX-A343]

ROFLMAO!!!! Another weekend gem!!!

Thanks for sharing!!

Gerardo

[Will_Power]

That is a good one!
Where do you find this stuff RobinB?, you always have the funniest stories.
Keep them coming!

Will

[Bok269]

Oh thats great!

[ptbodale]

hahahaha. Excellent.

I'll give it to my wife, the nurse.

[z740]

here's one for y'all

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to 2 men and a woman, but only one position was available. The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man looked shocked and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my own wife!" "Well," says the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then." So they brought the second man to the same door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes, then the door opened. He came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her, I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job." "No," the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Now they were down to the woman left to test. Again they led her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances. This is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA heard the gun start firing. One shot after another for thirteen shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat him to death with the chair

-Chris

[z740]

i found another one

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing none around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts. Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. "What's that?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust. "Tennis ball," came the breathless reply. "Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful... I had tennis elbow once."

an actual headline: Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft .

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said "Watson, look up into : the sky and tell me what you see." Watson said "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes: "And what does that tell you?" Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells : me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes: "Somebody stole our tent".

Two men were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, one did come forth. This particular Genie, however, stated that she could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" Immediately the Genie clapped her hands with a deafening crash, and the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the Genie vanished to her freedom. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. The other man looked disgustedly at the one whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."

Bill Clinton and Al Gore are having a private meeting in the oval office, : when Al discloses that he really has to pee. Bill tells him to just use the presidential bathroom. Al, however, doesn't think that that would be such a good idea since he was only the VICE president, but, Bill told him not to worry about it. So, Al goes into the presidential bathroom, and notices that Bill has a GOLDEN urinal ! Al can't believe it! He thinks about that urinal all day, and when he gets home, he tells his wife, Tipper, about the bathroom escapade. She is nonplussed, and in fact, unconvinced, and she tells him that she : will call Hillary and confirm this. Later that day, Tipper calls Hillary and says, "My husband told me that your husband has a golden urinal in the presidential bathroom. Is that true?", to which there is a long pause, and then Hillary tells her, "hold on a minute, let me call my husband." Hillary puts Tipper on hold, and then calls Bill, and says, "Bill, I : think I know who peed in your saxophone."

look for them on http://www.benadams.com/humor/jokelist.html

-Chris

[pkonowrocki]

LOL great jokes guys ! I will tell them to my friends in the pub tonite Got any more before I leave ?

[z740]

yep i just edited my above post to include some more jokes and i've got one just for you. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! ROFLLLL! man that is a real knee slapper!

-Chris

[turbotraker]

look for them on http://www.benadams.com/humor/jokelist.html

-Chris

Cheers Chris, this will keep me occupied on my 12 hr shift!!

[pkonowrocki]

LMAO thanks Chris !! The Sherlock one is great

[z740]

Cheers Chris, this will keep me occupied on my 12 hr shift!!

what do you do? are you a backwards metrologist?

-Chris

[avro_arrow_25206]

LOL great jokes guys ! I will tell them to my friends in the pub tonite Got any more before I leave ?

Aren't you too young to be in a pub?

[JordanD]

Aren't you too young to be in a pub?

Just what I was thinking. Fake ID's can go a long way though.

[Bok269]

Aren't you too young to be in a pub?

Drinking age is 18 north of the border, eh?