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Sledging Classics

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  • Sledging Classics

    With the 2007/08 cricket season having commenced and our wins in Pakistan - some of the memorable Sledges between players - see if you can add to them. For non cricketing people, "Sledgeing" is the "trading of insults between opposing players"

    Rod Marsh & Ian Botham:
    When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?" the reply from Botham was "my wife's fine, your kids are retarded".

    Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:
    As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him."Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.

    Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo Brandes):
    "Hey Eddo, why are you so f**king fat?" Eddo Brandes: "Because every time I f**k your mother, she throws me a biscuit."

    Robin Smith & Merv Hughes:
    During 1989 Lords Test, Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed: "You can't f**king bat." Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f**king bat & you can't f**king bowl.

    Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad:
    During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed. "Tickets please," Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.

    Merv Hughes & Viv Richards:
    During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f**k off."

    Ian Healy & Arjuna Ranatunga:
    And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one-dayer in Sydney: "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c**t!"

    James Ormond & Mark Waugh:
    Ormand had just come out to bat on an Ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh. Mark Waugh: "F**k me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here? There's no way you're good enough to play for England." James Ormond: "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family."

    Glenn McGrath & Ramnaresh Sarwan:
    McGrath to Sarwan: "So what does Brian Lara's dick taste like?" Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife." McGrath (losing it): "If you ever f**king mention my wife again, I'll f**king rip your f**king throat out!" (PS: I wonder if this after Glenn's wife was diagnosed with cancer)

    Mark Waugh & Adam Parore
    Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Parore) comes to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark: "Oh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were shit then, you're f**king useless now." Parore (turning around): "Yeah, that's me. And when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly slut. And now I hear you've married her, you dumb c**t!"

    Ian Healy & Arjuna Ranatunga:
    Yet another Australian witticism with this time, porky Sri Lankan batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up, "Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it."

    Ravi Shastri vs the Aussie 12th man (don't remember who, and don't want to slander anyone):
    Shastri hits it to this guy and looks for a single. This guy gets the ball in and says, "If you leave the crease I'll break your f**king head." Shastri: "If you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the f**king 12th man."

    Malcolm Marshall & David Boon
    Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times. Marshall: "Now, David, are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"

    Fred Trueman & Raman Subba Row:
    Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip, and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly "I should've kept my legs together, Fred." "So should your mother," he replied.
    Last edited by RobinB; 2007-10-30, 13:05.

  • #2
    For the older fans around here.....

    "They have come to watch me bat, not you bowl."

    W.G. Grace, responding to being bowled off the first ball in a exhibition match. He replaced the bails and resumed his innings.

    "Surely, you're not going, Doc? There's still one stump standing."

    Fast bowler Charles Kortright after clean bowling W.G. Grace in 1898.

    "Well bowled, you b****** - now give me the b***** ball!"

    Tony Lock, after fellow England spinner Jim Laker took 19 Aussie wickets at Old Trafford in 1956.

    ....and coming more up to date.....

    Viv Richards v Greg Thomas
    This incident took place during a county championship match between Glamorgan and Somerset.

    Glamorgan paceman Thomas had beaten the bat a couple of times and informed Richards: "It's red, round and weighs about five ounces, in case you were wondering." The very next ball was given the King Viv treament and smashed out of the ground, into a river - at which point Richards piped up: "Greg, you know what it looks like. Now go and find it."

    ....and moving on to motorsport, James Hunt to be specific.....

    ''I wouldn't worry about your face Niki, you were ugly in the first place!'' After Lauda's fiery crash in Germany, James and Niki talked on the phone sometimes up to an hour.
    ''Berger's car is on fire!''
    ''No Murray that's his rainlight'' One of the most famous Hunt corrections of all
    .....and from the world of politics, my all time favourite.

    A famous exchange between Winston Churchill and Nancy Astor, which took place when they were both staying at Blenheim Castle visiting the Marlborough's. The two politicians had been at each other's throat all weekend when Nancy said,

    "Winston, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee."

    Whereupon Winston replied,

    "Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it."
    If it 'ain't broken........ Don't try to mend it !


    • #3
      Just to add to the Winston Churchill bit - but I'm not sure who "she" was:
      At a function where Winston was well into his brandy

      She: "Mr Churchill, you're drunk, sir".
      Winnie: "And you're ugly, but in the moring I will be sober".