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  • Friday Funny

    Just when you thought I was not going to post........

    A WEEK AT THE GYM: ONE MAN'S STORY...

    This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

    Dear Diary:

    For my 44th birthday this year, my friend Werner purchased a week of personal training at the Virgin health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing for my varsity rugby team 18yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

    I called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 yr. old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swimwear.

    Werner seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

    MONDAY:

    Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She was something of a Greek goddess with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile.

    Woo Hoo!!!!!

    She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skilful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today.

    Very inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, Although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around.
    This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

    TUESDAY:

    I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air, and then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.

    WEDNESDAY:

    The only way I can brush my teeth is by lying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a moped in the club parking lot.

    Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered the other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

    My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other sh.t too.

    THURSDAY:

    Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes.

    Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine-which I sank.

    FRIDAY:

    I hate that b.tch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anaemic little cheerleading b.itch . If there were a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if she didn't want dents in the floor, she shouldn't have handed me the*&%#(#&** barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

    The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.
    Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

    SATURDAY:

    Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

    SUNDAY:

    I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year, Werner (the prick), will choose a gift for me that is fun -like a root canal or a vasectomy!!
    RobB


  • #2
    GREAT!!! ROFLMAO!!!

    NOW I can go back to work!!

    My photos on Flickr www.flickr.com/photos/geridominguez

    Comment


    • #3
      hahahaha, very good. Love handles are sexy....

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by ptbodale
        hahahaha, very good. Love handles are sexy....
        and round is a shape
        RobB

        Comment


        • #5
          Heard this one on Car Talk a few weeks ago. Still hilarious.

          -Chris

          Comment


          • #6
            Sounds like the progression of marriage.
            "The Director also sets the record straight on what would happen if oxygen masks were to drop from the ceiling: The passengers freak out with abandon, instead of continuing to chat amiably, as though lunch were being served, like they do on those in-flight safety videos."

            -- The LA Times, in a review of 'Flightplan'

            Comment


            • #7
              Read it again and had to laugh again!!
              My photos on Flickr www.flickr.com/photos/geridominguez

              Comment

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