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  • So This Is How It All Ends

    *Poof*

    IntheShade OVER & OUT

  • #2
    Originally posted by IntheShade
    *Poof*

    IntheShade OVER & OUT
    No Shadey No!!! You can't leave us now, when we need you the most!!!
    ADC Refugee

    Click here to view my aircraft photos at JetPhotos.Net!

    Comment


    • #3
      Whats this thread about ??? 0.o

      Dude your sig is messed up

      Comment


      • #4
        In Rememberance...

        IntheShade stood quietly in the aircraft doorway and took his long last drag off the cigarette just before the passengers started loading down the jet way. As he savored the last taste of menthol, he thought about the upcoming flight: London Heathrow to Charles de Gaulle: just another trash run between two Eurotrash cities. See one and you've seen them all.

        As the first passengers came down the jet way he crushed the butt under his boot heel and began to wonder where the Copilot was. He was no ordinary copilot; he most notorious copilot in the company and went by the name G.B.; G.B. Cooper to be exact. Passed over for several upgrades he now had the reputation of being anti-social and inept. This didn't bother IntheShade because he had dealt with this type person before. All it would take is time.

        It was getting close to push time and G.B. Cooper still wasn't done with his walk-around... Easing himself into the Left seat and setting out his Jepp plates, IntheShade was interrupted by the First Hostie who appeared from behind him as she stood in the cockpit door. As he turned to look at her she beamed at him with a large smile and said "I trip traded and gave up two days off to fly this trip with you. Once we get in Paris let's see if it was worth it." She winked and then turned around to continue her greetings to the passengers as they entered the cabin.

        IntheShade had heard it all before. It was hell being the rock star of the airline. Between the job and social engagements, the only solitude he got anymore was in the hot tub at his seaside bungalow late at night...

        But just as his thoughts turned to relaxation, they crashed back into reality as G.B. Cooper fumbling into the cockpit. He was already upset because he during the pre-flight walkaround there had been a confrontation with the mechanic. G.B. Cooper felt a baggage door needed to be welded shut to ensure it wouldn't open during the short flight. The mechanic had blown off his request and the harsh feelings had now festered in G.B. Cooper. He had never liked doing the walkaround on the BOEING 737 because he considered it a "tricky beast" and this latest confrontation only stirred the pot.

        IntheShade sat calmly and listened using his best Cockpit Resource Management skills before telling G.B. Cooper that all the doors had pressure locks and safety indicators to ensure proper seal. Throwing in his last comment on the subject, G.B. Cooper replied, "Yeah, but I don't trust those fancy latches like I do a good strong weld," and then reached over to plug his headset into the microphone jacks.

        After all the passengers were loaded and the pushback started the cabin interphone dinged softly in the cockpit. Picking up the cabin interphone and placing it to his ear IntheShade heard the First Hostie say, "All the passengers are seated and ready for Takeoff," and then after a short pause add, "Shadey, we're all in your hands now."

        There is an old saying: “responsibility is a heavy responsibility.” Some men crumble under it while others thrive like a wildflower in a fertilized pasture. Some days the minutes become hours and the cockpit a crucible.

        This was going to be one of those days...................



        //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////




        The checklists were complete and the aircraft configured for takeoff. As it turned the corner to stop at the Hold Short line, the Tower Operator issued the Takeoff Clearance: "Shademiester 1, maintain 5000, fly Runway Heading, Cleared for Take Off".

        G.B. Cooper read back the clearance as IntheShade advanced the throttles and called out "Set Standard Power". The only sound was the whine of the engines and the rhythmic sound of the runway centerline lights as the passed beneath the nose wheel of the accelerating aircraft. Watching the airspeed indicator G.B. Cooper slowly called out "80 knots...V1...Rotate..."

        And then, smooth as a babies bottom, IntheShade gently pulled back on the control column and sensed more than felt the aircraft lift off into the air. Yes, there was no doubt: this was a Master Airman.

        As the airplane began to climb, G.B. Cooper called out "Positive Rate!” Calmly IntheShade replied "Gear Up.” G.B Cooper reached onto the large BOEING gear handle, struggled a moment, and flipped the handle to the retract position. Within the aircraft, there was a satisfying Thump...Clunk... as the gear retracted and the gears doors closed.

        Satisfied and knowing what waited for him in Paris, IntheShade looked over at his Copilot and said, "Well, we're off like the Prom Queens dress." Instead of a smile, he was greeted by a scowl. This was not the usual copilot reaction, but nothing was going to ruin a beautiful day of flying across the European Channel.

        Out of 1000ft AGL, the flaps and slats were retracted and the aircraft accelerated to 250 KIAS as it leveled at 5000ft. That's when it happened. With a THUNK THUNK THUNK sound of cannon shells the BOEING 737 flew through a flock of migrant geese sucking one into the #2 engine, one into the right leading edge flaps, and a direct hit into the radome which flew off into the vertical tail.

        In the cockpit, the #2 Engine Fire Bell began to sound instantaneously. Expecting action, IntheShade quickly glanced over to his copilot. Instead of reacting to the bell G.B. Cooper appeared to be oblivious to its ringing and sat reading a People Magazine article. This was a problem. Using his Captain instincts and authority IntheShade commanded: "G.B. SILENCE THE BELL!".

        Stirred into action G.B. fumbled onto the dash, found the Bell Cutout, and pressed it firmly. Just as he was doing this the "A" and "B" system Hydraulic system lights illuminated as the systems pressure pissed off to Zero. The realization hit IntheShade that he was flying on Manual Reversion alone. Thinking quickly he reached onto the overhead panel and turned on the Standby Rudder.

        In aviation, you find that trouble is like chewing tobacco: it comes in wads.

        It was then that the next situation surfaced. The cabin interphone rang in the cockpit. Flying with one hand, IntheShade reached down and picked up the receiver...

        On the line was the First Hostie with a slight pang of panic in her voice saying: "Shadey, is something wrong? We felt a couple bangs back here and there is smoke coming out of one of the engines. What is going on?"

        Without thinking, IntheShade replied, "It was nothing. We're having a carburetor problem on one of the engines. I have G.B trying to adjust the choke right now. We should have it all sorted out in a moment or two but I would hold off on the drink service until we have everything sorted out."

        Hearing the command in his voice the First Hostie couldn't help herself and blurted out, "Oh, Shadey! One day I want to have your baby!”

        Calmly, IntheShade replied, "Let's talk about it once we're on the ground in Paris. Right now we're a little busy up here." and placed the handset back into the holder while thinking to himself: Those are the three basic principles of dealing with a Hostie: Never tell them exactly what is going on, never let them hear the stress of the situation in your voice, and always leave them with a little hope in their heart...

        Now it was back to business.

        //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

        Dead foot; dead engine. That's the way you identify an engine out.

        With his left foot nearly fully depressed to the floor to hold heading IntheShade didn't need to look at the engine instruments to know it was #2 that was out. With his nicotine stained fingertips he reached up and grabbed the #2 throttle and eased it back an inch or two before taking a quick glance to verify that the EGT of #2 had dropped off to ambient temperature while #1 EGT showed to be slightly below the redline. Seeing this, he eased #2 throttle closed and rested his hand atop the #1 throttle.

        Now it was time to relax and take stock of the situation. For the first time since liftoff he took a good glance outside and was shocked to see the window in front of him glazed over like a white milky fog with the windshield wipers going full speed. Aghast, he glanced across the cockpit to G.B. What he saw rattled his brain.

        G.B. was looking straight ahead out the windscreen at the furious strokes of the windshield wiper while depressing the RAINBOE button on the overhead panel with his left hand. Taking his right hand from the throttle IntheShade knocked his arm from the button while exclaiming "Hey Man, What are you doing?!”

        G.B. replied, "We've already lost two hydraulic systems. I wanted to shoot the RAINBOE before we lost it also!"

        G.B. was trying to use logic and systems knowledge, but it was bad logic and bad systems knowledge.

        IntheShade had seen his type before—just another numbnuts who had taken a career path in aviation when they should have picked bowling. The copilot had checked out like a vagrant hobo after a night at Caesar’s Palace. "Probably an ERAU graduate," IntheShade thought to himself. From here on out it was going to be a single pilot operation.

        There is a time to perform every climb, dive and turn so that the Little Old Lady in First Class sips her Champagne and doesn't spill a drop. Then there's a time to cowboy the airplane.

        Single Pilot, Single Engine, two hydraulic systems out, windshields covered in RAINBOE and a scared Hostie in back.

        IntheShade reached down and tightened his seat belt.

        It was time to John Wayne the airplane.



        //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////



        Reaching overhead, IntheShade grabbed the #2 Fire handle and pulled it firmly against the stop before depressing the extinguisher button on the overhead panel.

        "Damn these airlines and their Bean Counter Management!" he thought to himself, "What will it take for them to realize the increased safety of a third engine, third generator, and third crewmember?" For a passing moment, the idea of flying around on one engine with a planeload of passengers weighed heavily on his mind, but then he gave thanks he was flying a BOEING and not a cracker box Airbus.

        Yeah, a Boeing was made with real metal, real control cables, and held together with rivets unlike the Airbus, which was a glued together Fly-By-Wire composite French nightmare. If this had happened on an Airbus, there would already be a smoking hole...

        But if he was going to get the airplane on the ground, IntheShade had to have a plan. He could try to turn the crippled airplane around and return to Heathrow flying over London or, even better, with a small turn he could head out over the English countryside to Stanstead.

        For the first time since liftoff, he keyed the mike and said, "London Control, this is Shademiester One declaring an Emergency. We're turning to heading 280 for Stanstead. We'll require a single Freq. approach and Vector. I need you to clear out the airspace around me."

        London control replied, "Roger, standby."

        It was time to take stock of the situation. Manual Reversion with Standby Rudder. Crosswind limitations were now down to 15 knots. This would be no problem on a clear clam day like this but with two hydraulic systems out the flaps would require a manual extension and increased approach speed. In addition, he would have to somehow get G.B. back into the cockpit to perform the manual gear extension. And then there was a problem with the airspeed. When the radome came off, the airspeed indicators were no longer functioning...

        Luckily, IntheShade was a stick and rudder pilot having most of his early flight time in open cockpit biplanes. This was an approach that was going to take a lot of skill and body english. IntheShade thought to himself, "I wish I had on my old helmet and goggles with a good cigar out in the open breeze. Then I could feel the wind, just like the old days out over the West Texas countryside."

        "Fly heading 290, QFE 1014 Stanstead" suddenly blared into the headset, "State the nature of your emergency, FOB and number of souls on board."

        "QFE?" thought IntheShade "Queer Fucking Europe. They want to play altimetry games during an emergency."

        Again, he keyed the mike: "London, we'll mail you a report with all the information once we're on the ground.

        It was time to aviate. Communication time was over.


        //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////



        Shademiester 1 flew the vector until he was clear of the populated areas of London, and then started a slow turn towards Stanstead. IntheShade had flown the English countryside so many times on his International Trips that he knew the direction to turn and heading by instinct.

        With one engine out the groundspeed was slow because the airplane had never accelerated above 250KIAS prior to the birdstrike, and now had undoubtedly slowed at least another 20 Knots.

        He was gong to need the enroute time to feel the airplane out. Holding altitude by looking out at the horizon, he retarded the #1 throttle slightly and slowly brought the nose up as the airspeed bled off. As the airplane pitched up three degrees from level flight it began to burble which then quickly increased to a strong buffet.

        Instinctively he dropped the nose and applied throttle to increase airspeed. "Once slowed down, this airplane is going to be a handful," IntheShade thought to himself.

        Thinking of the people in the back, he picked up the cabin interphone and chimed the First Hostie.

        "First Hostie here, Captain Shade. How can I be of service?" She answered.

        "I need you to prepare the cabin for an emergency landing and a possible emergency evacuation once we're on the ground. Do you understand?" he replied.

        "Yes Sir! Don't worry about a thing back here. You just fly the airplane," she replied.

        "Good," thought IntheShade; now all that we have to do is get this thing on the ground.

        Taking a good look out the self-induced semi-milk haze of the forward windscreen IntheShade saw the Stanstead Airport
        complex coming into view. With a slight course correction, he took up a heading for an easy turn onto an extended final.

        A second look at the runway revealed that the taxiway and runway turn-off were lit up like a Christmas tree with Emergency vehicles.

        "Everyone loves a party," thought IntheShade. "I bet that the Parlour Talking Jet Captain is already holding a press conference and showing the photos of crashed airplanes that he carries in his wallet."

        A mile prior to turning final, it was time to toggle down the flaps. IntheShade reached overhead, released the safety cover for the Alternate Flaps, and directed his attention to the flap indicators before lowering them. For the first second everything looked normal, but before they reached the Flap 2 position he quickly released the switches: Asymmetry! The birdstrike had affected the Leading Edge Devices. Now he would have to land with them in the position they were in!

        This would mean a higher approach speed than he had been planning on. As he rolled onto final things began to happen fast.

        Then the words he thought he would never speak came out of his mouth. He turned and looked across the cockpit and said,

        "G.B., I NEED YOU."



        //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////




        G.B. reacted with a start.

        "You need ME!!?" he replied.

        "Yes," said IntheShade, "when I command you I need you to pull the manual gear extensions behind the center console. Do you understand?"

        G.B. nodded his head eagerly. For the first time he was going to get to prove he was a productive crewmember.

        IntheShade eased the #1 throttle back and lowered the nose while the airspeed started a slow decay. At the same time, he started a gentle turn onto final. As the airframe started a mild buffet, he increased the #1 throttle to maintain the airspeed just above the burble. This was going to be the approach speed...

        But just as he had everything settled down, over the headset came the call:

        "Shademiester One! Slow to minimum Approach Speed. Air France will be landing ahead of you. You are number two for the runway!!"

        "I knew it!! These damn Euro-Control ATC always give priority to the European Flag Carriers!!" thought IntheShade just before he grabbed the mike switch and said: "You tell Air France that unless they want the Cotton Eyed Joe danced on their ass out on the ramp once I land they'll go around. We're headed for the runway and ain't nothing going to stop us.

        IntheShade reached down and tuned the radio to a Country Station. "I've had it with these Euro-Second-Guessers." he said to G.B.

        For the first time in years G.B. smiled.

        IntheShade now turned his concentration to the runway. No flaps or slats and a Manual Gear Extension. It was time to use and old Crop-Duster trick. Bring the airplane in high, lower the gear once it was certain the runway was made, execute S-Turns to lose the excess height, and first brick the landing.

        A pretty tall order; but IntheShade was no ordinary airman.

        As he flew inbound, he watched the PAPI lights turn to from four red to four white; and then commanded "GEAR DOWN!!"

        G.B. reached down and began pulling the lawnmower uplock gear release like a monkey. After each pull, there was a satisfying thud as each gear hit the downlocks. IntheShade felt each bump but didn't let anything distract him.

        The increased drag meant that to maintain airspeed IntheShade had to lower the nose to maintain airspeed. "Just as planned" he thought to himself.

        Using only the human eyeball, he judged the sink rate and airspeed. Within moments, he was over the runway end. He chopped the power and settled to the runway at breakneck speed.

        Knowing he was down to only Accumulator Pressure on the brakes he made one application and held it constant. The airplane slowed steadily until stopping on the runway. As it stopped, G.B., without saying a word, opened his window and escaped down the Emergency Rope. "He was a wild card anyway." thought IntheShade.

        -----------------------------------------------------------------

        Hours later the passengers were gone and the airplane towed onto the ramp. IntheShade walked up into the cockpit to get his Jepp Kit. As he did, he reflected on the day.

        He had handled birdstrikes, hydraulic failures, engine out, a maniac co-pilot. Now there was only one thing left to handle: The First Hostie.

        He turned and walked to the steps of the airplane. At the base of the steps was stood the First Hostie. As he approached, he said: "Lets find a nice quiet place, have a few drinks, and hit the Hot Tub."

        She smiled and said: "You're the Captain!!

        -------------------------------------------------------------------

        And IntheShade faded to gray...

        There was a day when the last working sailing ship pulled into port, everyone got off, and it rotted down on the docks. And an era died....

        Some people say they'd never miss IntheShade. That he was as abrasive as a non-hush kit 727 on a max power T/O.

        But others will always remember when the smell the smoke and cinders, and a warm breeze hits their face, a wild man who lived by a rule of thumb, stick and rudder; a throttle Jockey.

        One day they'll all be gone.

        ADC Refugee

        Click here to view my aircraft photos at JetPhotos.Net!

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by pkonowrocki
          Whats this thread about ??? 0.o

          Dude your sig is messed up
          These matters do not concern you.
          ADC Refugee

          Click here to view my aircraft photos at JetPhotos.Net!

          Comment


          • #6
            Excellent!
            Everyone made like DB Cooper.

            Comment


            • #7
              that man is a legend!!

              Comment


              • #8
                ...and thence the JP regulars batten down and gerd their loins against the eminent onslaught of the red-coated, ex-AD.commers...it's going to be a long and bloody battle.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Star Alliance
                  ...and thence the JP regulars batten down and gerd their loins against the eminent onslaught of the red-coated, ex-AD.commers...it's going to be a long and bloody battle.
                  Yeah... I guess we need officer Emu back..

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by pkonowrocki
                    Yeah... I guess we need officer Emu back..

                    Post counts got effed up. They jumped by a 1000...
                    Wait, wait... can I not say "f*ck" in here?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by tds
                      Wait, wait... can I not say "f*ck" in here?
                      No you can not. Officer Emu will chase you down with a bottle of Heineken and will make sure you write "I will not act maturely at jp.net again" 1000 times on the blackboard.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        CK, do you know any good pre-paid legal teams? I'm feeling the need to sue for failure to properly safeguard my copyrighted material on airdisaster.com.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Half Bottle
                          CK, do you know any good pre-paid legal teams? I'm feeling the need to sue for failure to properly safeguard my copyrighted material on airdisaster.com.
                          You may be able to find some stuff using Google's caches. Send your prepaid legal team after them first!
                          ADC Refugee

                          Click here to view my aircraft photos at JetPhotos.Net!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Half Bottle
                            CK, do you know any good pre-paid legal teams? I'm feeling the need to sue for failure to properly safeguard my copyrighted material on airdisaster.com.
                            Are you retarded ?? How about we sue your butt for wasting jp.net's valuable brandwirth ?
                            By uploading you stuff to the net, you accept the fact that in case of any disaster, you data migt be lost, which is why YOU SHOULD HAVE A SAFE COPY OF IT. Think twice before posting...
                            Geez, so many kids joined the forums in the past half an hour...

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by pkonowrocki
                              Are you retarded ?? How about we sue your butt for wasting jp.net's valuable brandwirth ?
                              By uploading you stuff to the net, you accept the fact that in case of any disaster, you data migt be lost, which is why YOU SHOULD HAVE A SAFE COPY OF IT. Think twice before posting...
                              Geez, so many kids joined the forums in the past half an hour...
                              I think I'll call you Carlos. Hi, Carlos.

                              Comment

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