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Daddy's Rules for Dating

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  • Daddy's Rules for Dating

    Rule One:
    If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

    Rule Two:
    You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them..

    Rule Three:
    I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

    Rule Four:
    I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

    Rule Five:
    It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'

    Rule Six:
    I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

    Rule Seven:
    As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge . Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

    Rule Eight:
    The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

    Rule Nine:
    Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

    Rule Ten:
    Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
    If it 'ain't broken........ Don't try to mend it !


  • #2
    ROFLMAO !!! This is probably one of the best things I've ever read lol and soo true in some cases too :P

    Originally posted by brianw999
    Rule Three:
    I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
    This reminds me of my friend's dad who is a very cool person and his jokes ill just kill you. He saw me and my friend wearing those pants and, as usualy trying to be cool, he made a comment saying that today's teenagers clearly have long dicks which is why they wear such loose pants, so they can fit them in there...
    No comment
    Originally posted by brianw999
    Rule Five:
    It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'
    Never do what I did once, when in the middle of January, trying to start a converstion, I said that I can feel the summer coming.. the facial expression of her parents was priceless..
    Rule Six:
    Originally posted by brianw999
    I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
    Not as true with fathers as with girls, honestly maybe it's just me, but the girls are only getting more and more overprotective nowadays..

    Comment


    • #3
      Hilarious!
      TAP - Transportes Aéreos Portugueses

      Voe mais alto. Fly higher.

      www.flytap.com

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      • #4
        Originally posted by pkonowrocki
        Not as true with fathers as with girls, honestly maybe it's just me, but the girls are only getting more and more overprotective nowadays..
        Hmmh, I thought that if anything the girls are just getting sluttier and sluttier nowadays.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Airbus_A320
          Hmmh, I thought that if anything the girls are just getting sluttier and sluttier nowadays.
          That's true too and theyr both connected. Girls get sluttier so they can get guys, then they are overprotective about guys because they are scarred of loosing them.
          Not that I don't like girls getting sluttier

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by pkonowrocki
            Not that I don't like girls getting sluttier
            Not at my house!!!!

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by ptbodale
              Not at my house!!!!
              I was just waiting for your post here Dale
              Don't worry, I'm too lazy to drive all the way to Peterborough

              Comment


              • #8
                This song sums it up fairly well.


                -Chris

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by pkonowrocki
                  I was just waiting for your post here Dale
                  Don't worry, I'm too lazy to drive all the way to Peterborough
                  You have been there before, you know how to get there...hahaha

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Having a girlfriend whose dad is alot like that (he may have written it), I am entertained and frightened all at once. We get on well, though, so there've not been any problems (thank God, knock on wood).
                    Originally posted by pkonowrocki
                    Not that I don't like girls getting sluttier
                    A difference between you and I, I suppose. I don't need my girlfriend to have all of her stuff on display for me to think she's beautiful. Nor do I mind that her hair has been the same color since she was born.
                    But that's just me, and heaven knows I'm an oddball...I'm even waiting until marriage for sex. Out of the ordinary? probably. Prudish? I don't think so. Respectable? decide for yourself.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Star Alliance
                      A difference between you and I, I suppose. I don't need my girlfriend to have all of her stuff on display for me to think she's beautiful. Nor do I mind that her hair has been the same color since she was born.
                      But that's just me, and heaven knows I'm an oddball...I'm even waiting until marriage for sex. Out of the ordinary? probably. Prudish? I don't think so. Respectable? decide for yourself.
                      I'll second that (all of it).
                      Christian Vlček Sullivan | Through The Fence Photography
                      Forever New Frontiers

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by [email protected]
                        I'll second that (all of it).
                        I'll third that. ALL OF IT!!

                        It's nice to know I'm not that only one out there that still follows my Christian values.

                        Yes, Mitch, I find that to be very respectable. There are a few people here who could learn a thing or two from you!.

                        -Chris

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Star Alliance
                          But that's just me, and heaven knows I'm an oddball...I'm even waiting until marriage for sex. Out of the ordinary? probably. Prudish? I don't think so. Respectable? decide for yourself.
                          Prudish....no

                          Respectable....Yes.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Star Alliance
                            A difference between you and I, I suppose. I don't need my girlfriend to have all of her stuff on display for me to think she's beautiful. Nor do I mind that her hair has been the same color since she was born.
                            But that's just me, and heaven knows I'm an oddball...I'm even waiting until marriage for sex. Out of the ordinary? probably. Prudish? I don't think so. Respectable? decide for yourself.
                            I'll fifth that. No change that, I plead the Fif'

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Geez Dale, I though you wrote this thread....
                              My Flickr Pictures! Click Me!

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