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Oldies - but still fun
These are apparently genuine clips from UK Council complaint letters: The trick of course is for you to supply a suitable response - let's see how creative you all are.........
1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
3. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
A: Liquidiser helps
4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen
12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.
A: And the other 50% ???
13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
15. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
16. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
A: I wonder if the farmer's wife has a cat ?
18. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
A: Envy makes you ugly....
19. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.
A: Where do you live ?
20. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
A: OK, what about you on top ?
21. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
A: Try new batteries
22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
A: Insatiable person you - but if at first you don't suceed, try, try again.
23. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
A: BBC2 is a load of crap anyway
1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
3. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
A: Liquidiser helps
4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen
12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.
A: And the other 50% ???
13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
15. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
16. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
A: I wonder if the farmer's wife has a cat ?
18. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
A: Envy makes you ugly....
19. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.
A: Where do you live ?
20. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
A: OK, what about you on top ?
21. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
A: Try new batteries
22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
A: Insatiable person you - but if at first you don't suceed, try, try again.
23. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
A: BBC2 is a load of crap anyway
good find, looks this municipality is my current hometown's UK twin city 
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