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Irate British Citizen..

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  • Irate British Citizen..

    This was actually taken from a
    passport application
    and a member of staff
    copied it,
    as it made her laugh all day.


    Subject: Passport Application


    Dear Minister,
    I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.

    How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?

    How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government?

    How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time.
    Do you people do this by hand?

    You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.

    Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die!

    I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.

    Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!
    Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!

    I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in
    London. I have had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am -- you know, someone like my doctor...
    who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING IN
    PAKISTAN...

    Yours sincerely,
    An Irate British Citizen.
    If it 'ain't broken........ Don't try to mend it !


  • #2
    Gold Brian, Gold.

    Comment


    • #3
      God Save the Queen

      Comment


      • #4
        Nice one Brian... I'd laugh if it didn't remind me that I want to write a similar letter on a number of things to some twatish official, manager or governing body at least once a week. But then, I do work in education



        All our final decisions are made in a state of mind that is not going to last (Marcel Proust)

        Comment


        • #5
          I had to google the "TV Detector van"...never heard of that before...a tax on TV's in your home??

          It was a funny story and very true how so many private companies know so much about us, but the government seems totally clueless...

          Comment


          • #6
            It's not a Tax on TVs as such - I own a TV without (legally) requiring a TV license. It's all to do with funding the BBC and the history of how TV came about.


            Foundation Course in Aviation Engineering on-going; Stage One of the journey to professional engineer!

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by APS View Post
              It's not a Tax on TVs as such - I own a TV without (legally) requiring a TV license. It's all to do with funding the BBC and the history of how TV came about.
              Be careful there my friend. If the TV you own is capable of receiving television programmes, even if it is not connected to an aerial, satellite dish or cablevision input, then you require a licence.
              It's all about capability to use, not actual use.
              The only way around the rules is if you live in a place that has a blanket licence covering all residents such as a nursing home, rest home, communal flats etc.
              Unless, of course things are different in Scotland. Which wouldn't surprise me at all.
              If it 'ain't broken........ Don't try to mend it !

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by brianw999 View Post
                Be careful there my friend. If the TV you own is capable of receiving television programmes, even if it is not connected to an aerial, satellite dish or cablevision input, then you require a licence.
                It's all about capability to use, not actual use.
                The only way around the rules is if you live in a place that has a blanket licence covering all residents such as a nursing home, rest home, communal flats etc.
                Unless, of course things are different in Scotland. Which wouldn't surprise me at all.

                Actually, from the TV Licensing authority :

                The law states that you need to be covered by a TV Licence if you watch or record television programmes, on any device, as they're being shown on TV. This includes TVs, computers, mobile phones, games consoles, digital boxes and DVD/VHS recorders.

                You don't need a licence if you don't use any of these devices to watch or record television programmes as they're being shown on TV - for example, if you use your TV only to watch DVDs or play video games, or you only watch programmes on your computer after they have been shown on TV.


                If this is the case, please let us know, as this helps us to keep our database up to date and means you won't receive the standard letters we send to unlicensed addresses.


                Essentially if you ever watch a TV programme at the same time it is being shown "live" on real-time television (Irrelevant of the format you use e.g. by PC, Mobile Phone) you need a license.



                If you only use a TV as a platform for using a DVD player / Computer console OR you use it to watch streamed media which is not live, you do not require a license.


                Foundation Course in Aviation Engineering on-going; Stage One of the journey to professional engineer!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by APS View Post
                  The law states that you need to be covered by a TV Licence if you watch or record television programmes, on any device, as they're being shown on TV. This includes TVs, computers, mobile phones, games consoles, digital boxes and DVD/VHS recorders.
                  How is it possible to watch something from a DVD/VHS recorder as it's being broadcast? Someone hasn't really thought about that!
                  Seeing the world with a 3:2 aspect ratio...

                  My images on Flickr

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by PMN View Post
                    How is it possible to watch something from a DVD/VHS recorder as it's being broadcast? Someone hasn't really thought about that!
                    Maybe that's to stop someone using a loophole like recording a TV programme without having the television actually on and therefore not "watching it live".


                    Foundation Course in Aviation Engineering on-going; Stage One of the journey to professional engineer!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by APS View Post
                      Maybe that's to stop someone using a loophole like recording a TV programme without having the television actually on and therefore not "watching it live".
                      In which case that statement contradicts itself. Again, they haven't really thought about it!
                      Seeing the world with a 3:2 aspect ratio...

                      My images on Flickr

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I don't think it does. If it says :

                        The law states that you need to be covered by a TV Licence if you watch or record television programmes, on any device, as they're being shown on TV. This includes TVs, computers, mobile phones, games consoles, digital boxes and DVD/VHS recorders.

                        And you take out the bit that isn't relevant, you get :

                        The law states that you need to be covered by a TV Licence if you record television programmes, on any device, as they're being shown on TV. This includes DVD/VHS recorders.

                        Makes sense to me.


                        Foundation Course in Aviation Engineering on-going; Stage One of the journey to professional engineer!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by APS View Post
                          as they're being shown on TV

                          This includes DVD/VHS recorders
                          As this simply isn't technically possible it makes no sense whatsoever to me!

                          Just ignore me, I'm a pedantic twat as far as words are concerned!
                          Seeing the world with a 3:2 aspect ratio...

                          My images on Flickr

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by PMN View Post
                            As this simply isn't technically possible it makes no sense whatsoever to me!

                            Just ignore me, I'm a pedantic twat as far as words are concerned!

                            What's pedantic mean Paul?



                            All our final decisions are made in a state of mind that is not going to last (Marcel Proust)

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              From one pedantic twat to another Paul

                              According to my local postmaster it would seem to mean that you need a licence to record a programme at the time it is being transmitted by a television company even though your television may not actually be switched on.
                              If the programme has been transmitted, and recorded at that time by another party and you then record that recording then you do not need a licence. The individual or company that made the original recording which you are now recording does however need a licence. There might also be copyright issues here as well.
                              In this case, recording to a DVD, video recorder, computer hard drive etc. is entirely possible.

                              I've just read all that back to myself....

                              ....I think I should become a politician because I'm not sure that I even understand that lot !!!
                              If it 'ain't broken........ Don't try to mend it !

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