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Essex, UK hit by 5.8 earthquake and hurricane...

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  • Essex, UK hit by 5.8 earthquake and hurricane...

    You need to be British to understand this. For our American friends....think of a place where some of the locals are not exactly reaching for the higher echelons of society......






    ESSEX HURRICANE APPEAL

    A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit Essex in the early hours of Friday with its epicentre in Basildon . Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".

    The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately 30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair, incuding some rare straw donkeys.

    Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their benefit giros arrived. Essex FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon .

    One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Trisha the next morning."

    Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.

    The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

    HOW CAN YOU HELP?

    This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:

    Fila or Burberry baseball caps

    Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

    Shell suits (female)

    White sport socks

    Rockport boots

    Any other items usually sold in Primark.

    Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include:

    Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew. 22p buys a biro pen for filling in the compensation forms.

    2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9. 5 buys B&H cigarettes and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

    **Breaking news**

    Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry Alco-pop. 'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked.

    "ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss that gotta do wiv you?
    If it 'ain't broken........ Don't try to mend it !


  • #2
    ok.......I dont know if this is a joke or not,but im leaning towards joke.......a 15 y/old mother of 5???holy crap!!
    August 29th will be the worst day of the year.

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    • #3
      HAHAHAH nice...

      Yes this is a joke
      but unfortunately 15 yr old mothers of 5 are not uncommon in England

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      • #4
        ok....I thought so.....but their not uncommon???huh.......whats common in america is like 13 and 14 year olds getting preganent and 9 year olds dating other people. oh yeah...how much is 30 euros in american dollars??
        August 29th will be the worst day of the year.

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        • #5
          15 year old mother of 5 is an exaggeration of course but it's a joke designed to illustrate how prolific some of our young ladies are at "horizontal athletics" !! (and I use the term "ladies" very loosely )

          I suppose our American cousins could liken it to "duelling banjo's" country folk, like in the film Deliverance !
          If it 'ain't broken........ Don't try to mend it !

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          • #6
            Originally posted by BoeingKing77 View Post
            oh yeah...how much is 30 euros in american dollars??
            $40.8608 6 March 2010 via Yahoo Currency Converter. I'm about to visit Prague for the first time since about seven years ago. The exchange rate now is $1 to 18.94 Koruna. The last time I was there it was around 36. Ouch!

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            • #7
              Originally posted by brianw999 View Post
              15 year old mother of 5 is an exaggeration of course but it's a joke designed to illustrate how prolific some of our young ladies are at "horizontal athletics" !! (and I use the term "ladies" very loosely )

              I suppose our American cousins could liken it to "duelling banjo's" country folk, like in the film Deliverance !
              ok. I like the names you used though
              Originally posted by Deadstick View Post
              $40.8608 6 March 2010 via Yahoo Currency Converter. I'm about to visit Prague for the first time since about seven years ago. The exchange rate now is $1 to 18.94 Koruna. The last time I was there it was around 36. Ouch!
              Since Im in the 6th grade,I have no idea if thats good or bad. All I know is one day we had a sub and she said that brits could come over here and get more money at the currency exchange
              August 29th will be the worst day of the year.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by BoeingKing77 View Post
                ok. I like the names you used though

                Since Im in the 6th grade,I have no idea if thats good or bad. All I know is one day we had a sub and she said that brits could come over here and get more money at the currency exchange

                It's bad if you carry dollars in your pocket and go to other countries from the U.S. It's good for most foreign visitors to the U.S.

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                • #9
                  haha it's all very true

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