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Hello, please help me, I am in this little plane, well, I don't know if its that little but its smaller than the one we went to Majorca in last year. See, I entered this competition in the TV mag we get and they phoned me up and said congratulations you've won a charter trip to Guernsey in a thingammy, I mean what do I know about aircraft i just thought it would be fun well anyway I got the ticket through the post and I went to Southampton like the letter said and I met this young bloke, hardly older than Jasper. So we went onto the apron, thats it, the apron they call it, like when Mrs J gets the kitchen thing going and we have to eat tortoise on Thursday. I don't know if it was Southampton airport I just got off the train after three glasses of McEwans, but I can assure you it was sommewhere in southampton, East Lee or something. Its got propellors, if thats any help, Imean its not a jet or anything, i think that is a help, isn't it, it goes slower or something. And slower is good when you hit into things isn't it? Barry, that was the pilots name, he said it would take an hour and a bit or something but I was so excited I couldn't sit still and I couldn't remember anything. There was another pilot and he was silent, he just watched the gauges and the funny little brown and blue pictures. I asked him what he was doing but he just grunted. We had a cargo of medical drugs, veterinary supplies and electronic equipoment of some sort,
Barry told me. I counted nine portholes. It had a normal tail with the two little wings at the end of the tube with the nine portholes, if thats any help. Oh jesus and alla with knobs on and Bugger mrs mary.
We took off alright, and the captain said gear up after some other things he said which i couldn't quite hear. Rotate, I think was one of them. They kept fiddling with these little knobs and buttons on the dashboard, there are dozens of them and they fiddled incessantly, I could see little white numbers that changed when they fiddled with them. After he said gear up you could hear this grinding noise and I wonderd if i should tell the captain there was this grinding noise. I sort of knew he would just grunt like the other one did, though. But it stopped after a few seconds so i relaxed again.
But then the steep climb which I didn't like much levelled off and I felt better. The engines kept saying bzz bzz BZZZ bzzzzzz and then repeating. What a stupid sound, I thought . I looked out the window and I didn't like how far down it was. Bugger me. All that sea and nothingness. Too far to scream, as my aunty Flo would have said.
Barry askd me if i would like some lunch. But I didn't feel like eating. He and the other one tucked into something packed and smelling of garlic and beef. I craned forward and saw that the little digits underneath the brown blob on the captain's central screen read 13400. Interesting. Must be feet. And then Barry began to choke and cough. I wondered if I should slap him on the back. Then the copilot began to choke and cough as well. I sat rooted to my seat in horror and terror. Both pilots began to gasp and then fell silent. They slumped in their seats.
But don't worry about them, they are only servants of the power elite, as Mr afts-crash would say. nworry instead about poor Mr Jingogunner, an obedient middle-aged passsenger with only one Mrs Jingogunner terrorising her nephews. And Mr Jingogunner's nephews of course, because that is the bond of married bliss as I'm sure any superglue moderator will advise unresevedly. Although Mr Jingogunner avoids terrorism like the plague whereas Mrs J does not. But she has superb legs.
jesus the pilots have collapsed and are wheezing nastily so what am I to do, who will now fly the plane? I do not shake Barry because this is not a movie, its really happening and unlike an american film director twot, i can readily see that Barry will not move again soon and therefore shaking him is pointless. (but I will write in that I shook him if anyone offers to pay me for it - although that would be expensive let me warn you)
jesus alla jesus genital, I can see the levers on the central bit thingy moving, am I going to die. whoo what a prize ticket i won, mom. But then after a while I notice the plane is just flying quite normally, we are not going down or anything,. Ah, its the autopliot, George, they call it; George is keeping everything kosher. I look on the brown and blue screen and i can see this litte picture of wings which sit almost on a thick white line which divides the brown and blue sections. oh mommy oh aunty flo where is the potty, please, is it under the dashboard or do they not equip this type of aircraft with a quick expulsion demand scenario device?
So, in this desperate situation, I have posted on jetphotos net because i know there are people there who could tell me what to do, what should I do, please, help me get this airplane on the ground. Swallowing my terror, what is the first thing I must plan on doing, please?
Barry told me. I counted nine portholes. It had a normal tail with the two little wings at the end of the tube with the nine portholes, if thats any help. Oh jesus and alla with knobs on and Bugger mrs mary.
We took off alright, and the captain said gear up after some other things he said which i couldn't quite hear. Rotate, I think was one of them. They kept fiddling with these little knobs and buttons on the dashboard, there are dozens of them and they fiddled incessantly, I could see little white numbers that changed when they fiddled with them. After he said gear up you could hear this grinding noise and I wonderd if i should tell the captain there was this grinding noise. I sort of knew he would just grunt like the other one did, though. But it stopped after a few seconds so i relaxed again.
But then the steep climb which I didn't like much levelled off and I felt better. The engines kept saying bzz bzz BZZZ bzzzzzz and then repeating. What a stupid sound, I thought . I looked out the window and I didn't like how far down it was. Bugger me. All that sea and nothingness. Too far to scream, as my aunty Flo would have said.
Barry askd me if i would like some lunch. But I didn't feel like eating. He and the other one tucked into something packed and smelling of garlic and beef. I craned forward and saw that the little digits underneath the brown blob on the captain's central screen read 13400. Interesting. Must be feet. And then Barry began to choke and cough. I wondered if I should slap him on the back. Then the copilot began to choke and cough as well. I sat rooted to my seat in horror and terror. Both pilots began to gasp and then fell silent. They slumped in their seats.
But don't worry about them, they are only servants of the power elite, as Mr afts-crash would say. nworry instead about poor Mr Jingogunner, an obedient middle-aged passsenger with only one Mrs Jingogunner terrorising her nephews. And Mr Jingogunner's nephews of course, because that is the bond of married bliss as I'm sure any superglue moderator will advise unresevedly. Although Mr Jingogunner avoids terrorism like the plague whereas Mrs J does not. But she has superb legs.
jesus the pilots have collapsed and are wheezing nastily so what am I to do, who will now fly the plane? I do not shake Barry because this is not a movie, its really happening and unlike an american film director twot, i can readily see that Barry will not move again soon and therefore shaking him is pointless. (but I will write in that I shook him if anyone offers to pay me for it - although that would be expensive let me warn you)
jesus alla jesus genital, I can see the levers on the central bit thingy moving, am I going to die. whoo what a prize ticket i won, mom. But then after a while I notice the plane is just flying quite normally, we are not going down or anything,. Ah, its the autopliot, George, they call it; George is keeping everything kosher. I look on the brown and blue screen and i can see this litte picture of wings which sit almost on a thick white line which divides the brown and blue sections. oh mommy oh aunty flo where is the potty, please, is it under the dashboard or do they not equip this type of aircraft with a quick expulsion demand scenario device?
So, in this desperate situation, I have posted on jetphotos net because i know there are people there who could tell me what to do, what should I do, please, help me get this airplane on the ground. Swallowing my terror, what is the first thing I must plan on doing, please?
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