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Clinical Ambulance Assessment..

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  • Clinical Ambulance Assessment..

    With the stunning success of the Department of Health's FAST campaign, to identify whether a patient has suffered a CVA (Stroke), it has been decided to extend this further for the benefit of attending ambulance personnel. The table below may be used by the public to identify whether their mates have suffered a medical or traumatic collapse, or are simply drunk. This will be known as the PISSED scale, and will differ slightly for young males and young females.


    P


    Punchy: Picks fights with inanimate objects, like walls.


    Pants: Usually found around her ankles, unless ankles are behind ears.


    I


    Irritating: Is really fucking annoying, but thinks he is up for a British Comedy Award.


    Identity: Is usually called Sharon, Tracy, Chantelle or Chardonnay.


    S


    Speech: Keeps saying "You're my best mate - I love you" to total strangers.


    Spiked: Insists her drink has been spiked. Never states which one of 17 she means.


    S


    Staggers: Staggers off pavement into heavy traffic.


    Sex: Seeks out men for immediate casual sex, despite her targets not being remotely interested.


    E


    Enuresis: Urinates over himself and anyone/anything else within 5 feet.


    Erection: Is not able to engender this reaction in said casual sex partner.


    D


    Denial: Despite the above, states he hasn't touched a drop of alcohol


    Dead: What she plays when she realises no-one is interested in her.


    If it 'ain't broken........ Don't try to mend it !


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