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UK Tax repayment....

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  • UK Tax repayment....

    UK Tax Guidance

    Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic
    Stimulus' payment..

    This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q
    & A format:


    Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

    A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.


    Q.. Where will the government get this money ?

    A. From taxpayers.


    Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

    A. Only a smidgen of it.


    Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

    A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV
    set, thus stimulating the economy.


    Q.. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

    A. Shut up.

    ...................................................................................


    Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by
    spending your stimulus cheque wisely:



    * If you spend the stimulus money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to
    China , Taiwan or Sri Lanka ...


    * If you spend it on petrol, your money will go to the Arabs.


    * If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China ...



    * If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras
    and Guatemala .....


    * If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea ....



    * If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan ...



    * If you pay your credit cards off, or buy shares, it will go to
    management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.


    Instead, keep the money in the UK by:


    1) Spending it at car boot sales,
    or

    2) Going to night clubs, or

    3) Spending it on
    prostitutes,
    or
    4) Buying beer or whisky, or

    5) Get yourself a Tattoo
    or
    6) Visit a bookie.

    (These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )


    Conclusion:

    Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met
    at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night !


    No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.
    If it 'ain't broken........ Don't try to mend it !

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