UK Tax Guidance

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic
Stimulus' payment..

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q
& A format:

Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.

Q.. Where will the government get this money ?

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV
set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q.. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.


Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by
spending your stimulus cheque wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to
China , Taiwan or Sri Lanka ...

* If you spend it on petrol, your money will go to the Arabs.

* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China ...

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras
and Guatemala .....

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea ....

* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan ...

* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy shares, it will go to
management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in the UK by:

1) Spending it at car boot sales,

2) Going to night clubs, or

3) Spending it on
4) Buying beer or whisky, or

5) Get yourself a Tattoo
6) Visit a bookie.

(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )


Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met
at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night !

No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.