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  • Problem with life, please help

    Hi everybody, all I want is you to read and please provide some advices.

    Lately, for almost a year now, I have been feeling very depressed. I can't concentrate on anything, especially on my studies. Last year, which was my final year of high school, I had to apply for university. For the programs I wanted to go for, I was not allowed as my dad had some objections towards them (i.e. low chance for promotion, etc.) so I ended up applying for the programs of his choice and got accepted into Electrical Engineering at a university.

    Since through out my life, all of the big decisions which I should have taken were made by my dad. I completely respect him and am loyal to him but since last year, couple of changes have occured. I started focusing on my life and found that since I didn't make any choices, I ended being really dumb street wise and had no people skills. I was a very anti social with no true friends and an out dated person who didn't even know how to talk properly.

    Before applying to the programs, I didn't even bother learning what the field was about and now I feel very dissapointed because frankly speaking, I was one of the last people to make the grade - not very intelligent. and now, I have major difficulties with studies at the university.

    I know the kind of life I want, I want to get a technical diploma, have friends to hang around, buy a car, get a girl friend and to pursue my dreams. I am tired of everything, including my 1950s hairstyle and 1980s clothing. I am sick of my expanding gut and my stupid chickenish attitude. The only good thing I have done in past year is to completely eradicate anger which I had tons of before.

    Please I know I can't drop out of university or change everything in a short span of time, all I want is some ideas on how to spruce up my life. Please give me some 'manly' suggestions not some girly, old lady suggestions. The line 'just study' doesn't work with me.

    Thankyou. I tried talking about it with my family but no luck, they think way too higly of me, fine, 2-3 years ago, I was a really talented student but not anymore. Just for info, I am still passing my courses comfortably.

  • #2
    I am only a Freshman in College.. But i do know, physical exercise is a BIG Moral booster. Getting in that gym the first time will be the hardest part. Once your there, it will get better.

    The more you go, the better you will feel about yourself. And, it doesnt always have to be in the Gym.. go for a light run! Run a mile or two at your own pace. Nothin feels better than a cold shower after an exhausting run! Improving your physical image helps you when it comes to improving your social skills... there's just a correlation in there.. Im still workin on it.. but i have seen a dramatic improvement in my life when i started running and going to the Gym.

    I mean, i wouldnt call myself fit.. Im far from it, But i feel a lot better with myself and it can only be good for you.. nothin negative about getting excersise!

    DeltaASA16

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    • #3
      Id get some new clothes ("updated") like DeltaASA16 said about exercise you'll feel better about yourself. plan and set out to achieve goals, i'm not 100% at the moment so i'm planning to train and run a marathon in a year which is a big goal, not only will the training make me feel better and improve my health, it will give me something to focus my mind on specially when i have a bad day. Change your thought patterns before you get out of bed talk postively to yourself and imagine achieving something that you want to achieve. Keep smiling and also never say "i can't do that" change it to "i will learn to do that" or "i can;t do that YET". You are your own worst critic. Don't let your father make your own dicisions, if he does continue you will always look bak and say if only. it is your life not his. My father is not comfortable with me getting a $nz 32,000 student loan for my commercial pilots licence, sure it is a risk, touch wood it doesn't happen i may have to stop flying if a health issue came up or there was a major lack of demand for pilots. at least by getting the loan and taking that risk i will never look back and say if only i had done that . You only live once, treat every day as if it was your last.

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      • #4
        Those are some good suggestions for dealing with the symptoms of your problem. I highly recommend them as well.
        However you also need to look into the cause. Try to talk with your father or mother about your feelings again. If your dad is the authoritarian type this may be difficult. Perhaps the university that you attend has some sort of councellor as well. Trust me, lots of people are in a similar situation. You're not alone. Talking with someone from student services may be a good idea. They've seen it before, believe me. You're at a point in your life where lots of stuff has changed recently, and a lot of stuff will change in the coming months and years. Times like this are filled with uncertainty and you may wonder "am I doing the right thing?". It's perfectly natural to feel uncomfortable and uncertain about things, but you should know that life isn't about getting everything right or always making the right decision, or always being the most popular person. Life is about striving to improve yourself step by step, learning that things could be a lot better, but also learning that things could be a lot worse, and realising that other people (lots of them!) are going through the same thing.

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        • #5
          first thing.

          who is living your life, you or your dad? tell him to butt out! if you allow him to dictate what you will and wont do in life then things can only get worse. it sounds like you respect him, but he is not respecting you! now you just have to take a stand and tell him enough is enough.

          go out and get a radical haircut, ear pierced or whatever it is that you want to do, just do it, dont feel like you have to watch for your father all the time.

          i can tell you from now he is the source of your problem. you have to break that cycle and stand on your own two feet.

          speak to your dad about his ways. be firm and make yourself heard! if he doesnt like what he is hearing then tell him he has no choice but to like it.

          you have to take back control of your life!

          and if your not happy with your studies then defer, no shame in defering or dropping out til you decide exactly whats right for you. i take it your young? young years are the living years! get out and experiment and try dfferent things in life. this way you will become more street wise and may find it easier to meet new friends.

          thats my counselling for the day!


          next trips
          USA/DXB August.

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          • #6
            thanks people, I really appreciate.

            And about my dad, well actually, he isn't authoritarian at all. I said that I let him control my life and now I regret. The poor guy asked me tons of times whether I want to do what I want to do. Even if I was to drop out tomorrow, he wouldn't mind.

            The problem lies that I made him choose. That is the problem - My chickenish attitude. The fear of something I don't even know.

            I learnt my lesson today when I gave a very hard algebra test (I hope I get atleast 45%). I learnt that the source is myself.

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            • #7
              Algebra. I always hated Algebra. In fact, it was the only University course that I ever dropped because I had to put in 5 times as much work as in any other course to get a decent mark. I took statistics instead and found it to be even more difficult!

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              • #8
                Originally posted by AC_A340-500
                Algebra. I always hated Algebra. In fact, it was the only University course that I ever dropped because I had to put in 5 times as much work as in any other course to get a decent mark. I took statistics instead and found it to be even more difficult!
                Who was your prof? Don't tell me you had that nutbar Peter Antonelli.

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                • #9
                  That name does sound familiar. And yes, he was a nutbar. He was about 50-55 years old. Kind of crazy looking. If I remember correctly, the course took place in one of those big Chemistry East rooms. Wow, it's been 6 years already!

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                  • #10
                    What a man needs is a challenge. A goal. Something to achieve. Can be very small, can be very big. As long as you're working towards something it is a big moral booster. That excersize/gym advise is a very good idea! I should try it myself aswell!

                    About your study... Don't drop out. You've gotten so far, don't give it up. Try to find a direction within your study that interests you most. (In Electrical Engineering I can think of radar/navigation etc. as an aviation related direction for example).

                    A long backpacking holiday (on your own!) really helps too... You meet new people and you can make all decisions yourself. It sounds very lonely, but it is absolutely not.

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