Tweet
Hoots Mon, Och aye th noo !
A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian,"Excuse me Miss, dey ye hiv ony books on suicide?"
The librarian stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says, "Fook off, ye'll no bring it back!"
-----------------------------------------
A small zoo in Glasgow acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in season. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Mason Boyne, a local lad & part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Mason, like many Glasgow folk, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Mason was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for 500 Pounds ? Mason showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under four conditions:
"First", Mason said, "Ah'm no gonnae kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
"Second", he said, "Ye cannae never tell naebody aboot this." The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
"Third", Mason said, "I want all the weans raised as Rangers fans." Once again it was agreed.
"And last of all", Mason stated, "You got tae give me another week to come up with the 500 Pounds"
----------------------------------------------------------
Husband and wife are shopping in Tesco's when the man picks up a crate of Stella and sticks them into the trolley
"Wha do yez think yer doing?" asks the wife "They're on offer, fer 10 Pounds fer 24 cans", he says
"Put them back. We canna afford it," says the wife and they carry on shopping...
A few aisles later the woman picks up a jar of face cream costing 20 Pounds and sticks it into the trolley "
"Wha do yez think yer doing?" asks the man, "It's ma face cream. It makes me look beautiful," she says. "
The man replies... "SO DOES 24 CANS OF STELLA AN IT'S HALF THE FOOK'N PRICE."
The librarian stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says, "Fook off, ye'll no bring it back!"
-----------------------------------------
A small zoo in Glasgow acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in season. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Mason Boyne, a local lad & part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Mason, like many Glasgow folk, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Mason was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for 500 Pounds ? Mason showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under four conditions:
"First", Mason said, "Ah'm no gonnae kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
"Second", he said, "Ye cannae never tell naebody aboot this." The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
"Third", Mason said, "I want all the weans raised as Rangers fans." Once again it was agreed.
"And last of all", Mason stated, "You got tae give me another week to come up with the 500 Pounds"
----------------------------------------------------------
Husband and wife are shopping in Tesco's when the man picks up a crate of Stella and sticks them into the trolley
"Wha do yez think yer doing?" asks the wife "They're on offer, fer 10 Pounds fer 24 cans", he says
"Put them back. We canna afford it," says the wife and they carry on shopping...
A few aisles later the woman picks up a jar of face cream costing 20 Pounds and sticks it into the trolley "
"Wha do yez think yer doing?" asks the man, "It's ma face cream. It makes me look beautiful," she says. "
The man replies... "SO DOES 24 CANS OF STELLA AN IT'S HALF THE FOOK'N PRICE."
Comment