I see that nightclubs have developed a politically correct attitude to who they let in these days. I was waiting to get into one when an American, Irishman, Welshman, Scot, Japanese, German, Frenchman, Australian and Italian went to go in.
The doorman stopped them from getting in telling them they didn't have a Thai !
Joke 2......
A man passed out on Bondi beach in Sydney, Australia for four hours, and got a horrible sunburn, specifically to the front of his legs above his knees.
He went to the hospital and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.
With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor?'
The Doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs.
Joke 3.....
A guy goes into the Houses of Parliament to apply for a job…
The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?”
He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.”
“Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?”
“Yes,” he says, “I was in Afghanistan for one tour.”
The interviewer says, “That will give you 5 extra points toward employment.” Then he asks, “Are you disabled in any way?”
The guy says, “Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles.”
The interviewer grimaces and then says, “Disabled in your country’s service! Well that qualifies for extra bonus points. Okay. Looking at the regulations you have got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day.”
The guy is puzzled and asks, “If the work hours are from 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM, why don’t you want me here until 10:00 AM?”
“This is a government job”, the interviewer says. “For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.
The doorman stopped them from getting in telling them they didn't have a Thai !
Joke 2......
A man passed out on Bondi beach in Sydney, Australia for four hours, and got a horrible sunburn, specifically to the front of his legs above his knees.
He went to the hospital and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.
With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor?'
The Doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs.
Joke 3.....
A guy goes into the Houses of Parliament to apply for a job…
The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?”
He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.”
“Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?”
“Yes,” he says, “I was in Afghanistan for one tour.”
The interviewer says, “That will give you 5 extra points toward employment.” Then he asks, “Are you disabled in any way?”
The guy says, “Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles.”
The interviewer grimaces and then says, “Disabled in your country’s service! Well that qualifies for extra bonus points. Okay. Looking at the regulations you have got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day.”
The guy is puzzled and asks, “If the work hours are from 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM, why don’t you want me here until 10:00 AM?”
“This is a government job”, the interviewer says. “For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.
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